Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B+ | 554 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds

Back at Taco Night. Lynette is clearing up after dinner when she finds her antique doll in the trash. Its arm has been ripped off and it's covered some sort of ominous brown something. Lynette is hurt!

Later. Tom is home, and Lynette is in her PJs, scrubbing off her makeup as she tells him about all the naughtiness that Kayla got up to tonight. Oh okay, apparently that the brown substance was chili. But I thought it was taco night! Wait, the Scavos put chili in their tacos? Are you allowed to do that? Lynette moans about Tom never being home anymore, and he explains that their "life savings" is tied up in the restaurant, which is why he has to be down there all the time. I'll buy that. Tom counsels Lynette to start taking a "firm hand with Kayla," that the girl is "part of [their] family now." Lynette: "Yeah, I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children." Tom chortles knowingly. Side note: Felicity Huffman, in a courageous nod to verisimilitude, has actually removed all her makeup in this scene. Wow, an actress playing a "go to bed" scene sans makeup? Are you allowed to do that?

Austin and Julie are lying in her bed, churning their tongues together in a circular fashion. You can tell it's Austin because he has, of course, removed his shirt. The Torso makes a move toward Julie's third base (that's South for those of you who don't play baseball), but she rebuffs him. He claims that it's totally "cool" if Julie isn't ready for sexing. The strains of "Like a Virgin" soar.

The next day, Julie is over at the Van de Hodge house, eating sundaes with Danielle and Andrew. Julie has just told them how great Austin is being upon hearing the news that her knees have been fused together by God. Andrew snorts and accuses Julie of being wildly naive: no teenaged boy is "cool" with not getting sex, so if he's saying he's fine with Julie's prudish ways, it's only because he's actually relieving his urges with someone else. Danielle (who is wearing a '70s zigzag cinch sweater in yellows, browns, and oranges that I actually kind of love), nicely comes to Julie's defense, snitting to Andrew that "not all guys pressure girls for sex." Andrew: "Yeah, gay guys don't. But Austin's not gay. Not even after three beers." Yay! Andrew leaves and Danielle gives Julie some more mom-style advice, like how Austin doesn't deserve Julie if he can't wait for sex. Julie still looks worried. Danielle: "Take it from a girl who's known at school as 'Little Miss Van de Tramp.'" Julie: "I thought you made that up?" Danielle: "Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me." Huh, Danielle is actually kind of likable in this scene. (Hold that thought!)

Desperate Housewives

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