Desperate Housewives
No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds

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Evany: B | Grade It Now!
No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds

Bree's dinner party is about to start, and she's keeping Alma hidden upstairs so she can make a big surprise entrance -- all the better to shame Susan. Bree coaches Alma to keep quiet about all of the sordid Monique+Orson details, and Alma sunnily agrees. Bree: "All they need to know is that you're back and we're on good terms." Alma: "And Orson didn't kill me." Bree and Alma giggle conspiratorially until the doorbell interrupts them. There's something repugnantly "Elephant Man at the circus" about the way Bree is using Alma in this scene. Not to mention the fact that the whole setup is designed to publicly demonstrate how wrong Susan is. Bree runs off to get the door, and the smile immediately vanishes from Alma's face. It was all just a put on! (Which reminds me, didn't Alma return to Fairview at the beckoning of Gloria? If so, where is Mama Hodge in all this?) Alma reaches for her bag and pulls out an IV needle, uncorks it, and plunges it into the dark meat of her thigh. What. On. Earth? Am I missing something? Is Alma a drug addict? A diabetic? Or have I just been away from the suburbs too long...maybe this is some sort of secret housewife thing? I don't know! I don't think I even want to know! Holy shit. (I don't like needles.)

Susan arrives with Ian on one arm and a conciliatory bunt cake in the other. Bree seats everyone (Lynette, Tom, Susan, Ian, Gabby, Orson) and then announces her big surprise: "This is Alma Hodge, Orson's first wife." And then to Susan, in a stage whisper: "Oh and about that apology...anytime you're ready." And the "Zinger" zither swells.

Later, as Susan, Gabby, and Lynette gather in the kitchen to put together dessert, Lynette says: "You've got to hand it to her, just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party, she hosts a 'Shame on You for Thinking My Husband Killed Someone' dinner." Susan, who is wearing an AMAZING DRESS (deep teal, sweet scooped neckline, mini-cap shoulder detailing, contrast stitching ) THAT I WANT AND WANT, is all, "So Alma's alive. Big deal. We still don't know what went down between Orson and Monique." And the doorbell chimes.

It's Ghostbuster Ridley, come to bring Orson down to the station for some questioning. Susan immediately looks profoundly guilty, and Bree zeros right in on it. Bree, gasping: "Susan!" Susan: "I didn't know they were going to come tonight!" Oh, Susan. Orson heads off with Ridley, and Bree and Susan light into each other. Bree told Susan about Orson's affair in confidence! Susan couldn't possibly sit on information that might help Mike! In the middle of the exchange, Susan lets slip that she spoke with Mike earlier in the week, so suddenly now Ian's all worked up (because she broke her promise not to see Mike). Ian storms off, Bree tells Susan their friendship is over, Susan leaves, Bree heads into the kitchen, Gabby goes after Susan, and Lynette follows Bree. Tom and Alma sit there, alone, for a few moments, and then Tom semi-hilariously turns to her and says, "So, Winnipeg. It must get pretty cold up there."

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Desperate Housewives




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