Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B+ | 581 USERS: C+
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No One Is Alone

Danielle, upset from her disaster of a birthday party, heads over to the Applewrongs for some Matthew-flavored comforting. After her pebbles thrown at the upstairs window elicit no response, she opens the hinged basement door, à la those seen in Kansas of the Wizard of Oz, and heads down into the basement. (Geography watch: I know we just established, what with Lynette's flight pattern, that Fairview is on the west coast, and yet...I'm pretty sure we don't really have that kind of basement here in California, hm. Also: I would have thought the secret Applewrong basement dungeon would have been somewhat more difficult to access?) Of course she discovers Matthew, but she's unable to get through the locks. She tells him that she's going to get him out, and he warns her about the dangers of Betty. Danielle: "I know a little something about psycho moms. Trust me, I'll be fine."

Susan returns to Casa Van de Crazy and finds Bree on her hands and knees, scrubbing away at the cake spot. Bree, by the way, looks completely wasted: puffy and wan and wilted like a tired sponge. Susan tries to send Bree to bed, but Bree, it appears, is now totally incapable of sleep. Susan rather gingerly asks whether Bree's "okay," and Bree says she guesses that Susan heard what happened. Susan: "Yeah, when you flip out in front of the pep squad, word travels fast," which earns a half-ha out of me. Bree tries to explain the sensation of her freakout: "Suddenly I was on the outside of my body, watching a woman who looked like me becoming a raving maniac." Susan starts to suggest some sort of brain-doctor-style help, but Bree insists that she's fine; she just needs to sleep. Only she can't sleep; you see, every time she tries, she sees "Andrew's face in that rearview mirror." Bree tells Susan what really happened with Andrew: he didn't really run away; really, she "dropped him in the middle of nowhere." Susan looks at Bree with sadness and a touch of horror. Bree: "So I just need a little time to forget what I've done, and then I can sleep again." Susan very nicely offers to stay up and help Bree with the cleanup. Aww, Susan!

Lynette is parked out in front of Tom's hotel when he comes strolling outside, a cell phone to his ear. She ducks comically, and then her phone starts to ring. Like an idiot, she answers it, and they have a super-weird and awkward conversation about what he's doing, blah blah blah. Then she slips up and asks him, "Where's Jerry?" Thrown, he lies that Jerry's "right here." But then he asks her to let him talk to the kids -- which she, of course, can't do -- so she counters by asking to talk to Jerry, whom she can see is nowhere in sight. And then? The car alarm starts going off right behind Lynette. Excruciating! Tom starts to marvel at how crazy it is that he can hear the alarm both "here" and "through the phone." Lynette panics and says something ridiculous about "physics" being "spooky," and then she hustles her way off the phone. Tom gets into his rental car, and Lynette pulls out and follows. And my cringe muscle burns and burns in shame.

Desperate Housewives

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