Desperate Housewives
No One Is Alone

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No One Is Alone

Gabby and Carlos are having lunch. Xiao Mei the Money goes to serve some beef to Carlos, but Gabby waves her away. Carlos is on a special no-red-meat diet! Carlos sighs and glumly mutters something about his "triglycerides." Gabby sips her coffee, gives a "nnn" of disapproval, and waves Money off to get more cream. Money leans over to pour the cream into Gabby's coffee (what, Gabby can't even pour the cream herself?), but mid-pour, a burp of nausea overcomes the Money. Concerned Carlos asks what's wrong, and Money says that it's Gabby: "She smell." Ha. Apparently Gabby's perfume is wreaking havoc with Money's delicate system. Gabby: "Honey, it's a hundred bucks an ounce. That tends to make everyone a little nauseous [sic...or should I say "sick"!!! (It's so lonely here in my head!)]" As I learned from the sprightly discussion of the matter on the boards, actual perfume (versus "eau de toilette" and so on) costs a great deal more than just $100 per ounce, so either Gabby doesn't really know the difference (for shame), or she buys cheap perfume (for SHAME!). Carlos, pointing at his own chest: "Xiao Mei, your boobs, are they tender?" Gabby is scandalized! Carlos tells Gabby to do the math: sniffer issues plus nausea plus tender victuals equals pork plus dough in the oven! Gabby finally gets it, and she pats her chest with verklemptitude. The camera zooms in on Gabby and Carlos as they clasp each other's hands....

...Then the camera pulls out to reveal Carlos and Gabby holding hands down at the doctor's office. Money is wearing a paper gown and lying on an exam table right beside them. A doctor comes in and confirms it: Money is, indeed, knocked up! Gabby and Carlos hoot and yay. The doctor cuts through the cheer to warn them that such early signs of morning sickness (and really, what's it been like -- a day, since Carlos masturbated into a jar?) indicate that Money's pregnancy is probably going to be a rough one. Carlos rushes over to hug Money, and he assures the doctor that he and Gabby are going to treat her "like a queen!" Gabby rushes over to add to the hug, but Money recoils from Gabby's huge smell. Gabby retreats to the other side of the room, and the camera watches her watching Carlos and Money hug. Doctor, one last question: what is that random X-ray that you have illuminated there? Are those...lungs? A pair of inverted human ribs? A map of Pangaea? Or maybe it's a newly healed marriage coming apart at the seams?

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Desperate Housewives

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