Desperate Housewives
No One Is Alone

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No One Is Alone

Gabby comes downstairs and finds Carlos operating a vacuum cleaner, while Money is lounging on the couch. Gabby asks them where all her "beauty products" are, and Money weakly points to a huge plastic box. Gabby: ??? Carlos sheepishly explains that he "forgot" to tell her, but she needs to ixnay all the sniffy products. Gabby, shocked: "Even my hair pomade?" Carlos defers to Money, who says, "It gives me stomach ache." Gabby: "Yeah, well it gives me volume, so I guess we're both going to have a problem." Carlos asks whether she has "to be so high-maintenance." Gabby retorts that he "married a model," meaning that "maintenance is [her] only skill." You know, I would have thought Gabby would be more sympathetic, considering she did quite a lot of morning sicking, too. Money tries to put a halt to all the fighting, and she says in her little smile voice, "Please, if Mrs. Solis smell bad, I be okay!" To paraphrase Dolly Parton in Straight Talk: "Get down off the cross, Money, because someone else needs the wood!" Carlos stares and stares at Gabby, and she finally relents: "Fine, but when my hair starts to smell like hair, I don't want to hear a word."

Danielle, wearing a robe, staggers down from bed to find her living room filled with pink and pink and even more pink balloons. There are balloon bouquets in all the corners, and in the middle of the room is a huge balloon topiary of the number "17." Bree jumps out and yells, "Surprise!" Uh oh. Danielle, who's clearly kind of scared, hesitantly asks whether Bree was "up all night making that thing?" Bree, with alarming alertness, says that she "just wasn't tired." Also, Bree's arranged for a "fajita bar and a juggler": "Now relax, it's a very hip juggler; he only performs to Beatles songs." Ha, ha! Could anything be worse at a high school party than a "hip juggler"? Other than your mother's mid-manic episode, accusing an overweight friend of licking the frosting off your cake? Oh wait. Danielle tells Bree that she just wants a casual party, but no balloons or jugglers: "I mean, c'mon, my friends would all make fun of me." Bree looks crushed, but then she snaps back into action, pulling out a pair of scissors and frantically stabbing at the balloons. Danielle wheels around in that "whatever" teenage way and goes back upstairs. Susan comes down, and as Susan passes her, Danielle says, "Just another morning at the Van de Kamps." Bree crazily asks Susan whether her out-of-control balloon popping perhaps woke her? Susan grabs Bree's balloon-stabbing arm and gently asks whether all is well with her. Bree, with ax-murderer calm, says, "She says she doesn't want balloons, I'm fine!" Then she returns to the popping.

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Desperate Housewives

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