Desperate Housewives
No One Is Alone

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No One Is Alone

Susan returns to Casa Van de Crazy and finds Bree on her hands and knees, scrubbing away at the cake spot. Bree, by the way, looks completely wasted: puffy and wan and wilted like a tired sponge. Susan tries to send Bree to bed, but Bree, it appears, is now totally incapable of sleep. Susan rather gingerly asks whether Bree's "okay," and Bree says she guesses that Susan heard what happened. Susan: "Yeah, when you flip out in front of the pep squad, word travels fast," which earns a half-ha out of me. Bree tries to explain the sensation of her freakout: "Suddenly I was on the outside of my body, watching a woman who looked like me becoming a raving maniac." Susan starts to suggest some sort of brain-doctor-style help, but Bree insists that she's fine; she just needs to sleep. Only she can't sleep; you see, every time she tries, she sees "Andrew's face in that rearview mirror." Bree tells Susan what really happened with Andrew: he didn't really run away; really, she "dropped him in the middle of nowhere." Susan looks at Bree with sadness and a touch of horror. Bree: "So I just need a little time to forget what I've done, and then I can sleep again." Susan very nicely offers to stay up and help Bree with the cleanup. Aww, Susan!

Lynette is parked out in front of Tom's hotel when he comes strolling outside, a cell phone to his ear. She ducks comically, and then her phone starts to ring. Like an idiot, she answers it, and they have a super-weird and awkward conversation about what he's doing, blah blah blah. Then she slips up and asks him, "Where's Jerry?" Thrown, he lies that Jerry's "right here." But then he asks her to let him talk to the kids -- which she, of course, can't do -- so she counters by asking to talk to Jerry, whom she can see is nowhere in sight. And then? The car alarm starts going off right behind Lynette. Excruciating! Tom starts to marvel at how crazy it is that he can hear the alarm both "here" and "through the phone." Lynette panics and says something ridiculous about "physics" being "spooky," and then she hustles her way off the phone. Tom gets into his rental car, and Lynette pulls out and follows. And my cringe muscle burns and burns in shame.

Felicia, in an impressive display of multi-tasker-mastery, calls 911 while extracting a pint of her own blood. She clearly states that CreePaul has "been threatening" her. The operator asks whether Felicia's in immediate danger, and she admits that she isn't. The operator sadly informs her that there's nothing the police can actually do until CreePaul makes a move. Felicia: "Well I won't live in fear anymore. If you people refuse to confront him, I guess I'll just do it myself!" She calmly hangs up, and adds the full pint of blood to the pile in her refrigerator. She's one crazy, crazy cool customer.

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Desperate Housewives

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