Down at the "Put The 'Eat' In 'Pizza'" parlor, Tom is bustling out the door when his phone rings. It's Lynette, wondering if he's free for lunch. Did she forget, he's off to go look at napkins today? Lynette feigns forgetfulness, and Tom drives off. But it was all a ruse! Lynette's right across the street, watching him drive off. She scuttles inside the restaurant and finds Andrew sitting there, playing a game on a little electronic handheld thing. Apparently, he now works for Tom? Lynette seems very impressed by the improvements Tom has made; things are a far cry from the first time she saw the place, with the scampering rats, etc. Lynette asks Andrew to mum the word about her visit: she doesn't want Tom to find out she's there. Andrew snorts a "whatever, old person" laugh, and then they share an awkward silence. Lynette: "Shouldn't you be working?" Andrew: "Shouldn't you not be here?" Lynette: "Touché." Ah these two are nicely matched. Plus remember they have a history, from back when Lynette lied in her deposition about Bree's drinking, which cost Andrew his lawsuit. Lynette admires the marble-topped bar Tom's put in, and Andrew chuckles that it's "too bad [they] can't get a liquor license." This immediately sends Lynette into a tizzy. So yeah, apparently the city "re-zoned," and Tom needs to get all the residents within one block to sign off before he can get his license. Lynette: "Well, then, why isn't he dealing with it instead of shopping for napkins? We could lose our shirts in this dump." Ah, there you are, Lynette. We were wondering when you'd be back.
So now for a truly idiotic scene: Susan calls up Julie's doctor to ask why he gave her daughter a prescription without her consent, and he reports that Susan was there -- she's blonde, right? Because what doctor doesn't hand out confidential information about a patient over the phone to any woman claiming to be said patient's mother. Oh, Eagle state, you and your funny lack of ethics. Susan glances out the window and spies Edie gabbing it up with Alma, and puts it all together. Because Susan's really smart. She was valedictorian!
Susan tears outside and trumpets, "You got my daughter the Pill?!" Edie starts to scamper away, but tenacious Susan Velcros herself to Edie's side, yelling, "You may have bought your first diaphragm with milk money, but that doesn't give you the right to corrupt my daughter." Edie tries to defend herself: none of this was her idea. And really, it isn't like she approached Julie with a trench coat filled with Ortho Tri-Cyclen or anything: "If Julie got pregnant, then you and I could become family, and I'm sorry, I cannot take that chance." (This is slightly off-topic, but it just occurred to me that Susan never came yelling at Edie about how she abandoned Mike, which seems strange. Susan would have totally sunk her teeth into that one.) Anyway, so Edie gives Susan some sound advice about how she'd better find a way to talk to her sexually active daughter; otherwise, Susan's going to lose her: "Like it or not, [Julie] loves [Austin]. And you know what else? He loves her." And on that note, Edie and Susan walk into Edie's house to find Austin's bare, shimmering chest in pre-coital countdown with Danielle right there on Edie's couch. Susan shoots Edie a triumphant glare. Oh. Poor Julie. Not only will she have to weather that deathly first heartbreak, but she's also going to feel like an 85% idiot for all her birth-control hand-wringing and conniving. Not to mention the pain of Danielle's betrayal. Ugh, ugh, ugh!