Orange Man Group. Again with the strange milling in prison hallways. This time, there's a bunch of guys standing around, and Mike's sitting on a bench, reading a magazine. Wow, prison looks kind of fun. CreePaul sidles up asks after the state of Mike's ribs, which apparently took quite a beating during the Great Toothbrush Skirmish. Mike once again expresses his thanks. CreePaul expresses cool, friendly dismissiveness, but then Mike firmly, for the record, states, "Seriously. If there's ever anything I can do for you, just say the word." CreePaul, creepily: "I'll keep that in mind." CreePaul wanders off. A guard calls Mike over and tells him he really ought to "find [himself] another prom date." Apparently, the guard witnessed CreePaul paying off the hired heat (even though they were totally alone in that hallway, so I'm not sure where the guard was standing to be able to see the payoff). Also, why is the guard suddenly being so nice to Mike? If we've learned anything from the movies, it's that guards are sadists out to ruin the lives of all prisoners. Anyway, Mike takes the news with his usual stoic calm, which is not unlike the way he expresses passion, frustration, pain, and deep, six-month-long comas.

Condom Corner. Susan is gloating to Gabby about how relieved she is that her trustworthy, angelic daughter Julie told her that she's not actually sexually active. Gabby bleats out a comically suspicious "Uh huh." She also appears to be pouring actual half and half into her coffee, and not some pathetic skim milk that turns the coffee blue. Just when I was getting a good hate on, Gabby goes and makes me love her again. Susan picks up the sarcasm and disbelief in Gabby's tone, but still insists that her perfect daughter wouldn't lie: "Julie's not like other girls: she's a straight-A student." Gabby: "And you were valedictorian. What were you up to that your mother didn't know about?" Susan, valedictorian? What? Who? Huh? Maybe if she were home-schooled. And had no siblings to compete with. Susan's face takes on that "thinking" glow. Cut to...

...Gabby and Susan tearing into Julie's room. Before they can start tossing the place, Gabby stops and takes photos with her cell phone: "First rule of ransacking: remember where everything goes." Susan, moved: "You are going to make a really good mother someday." After fawning over one of Julie's miniskirts (what is it they say on BBC's What Not To Wear? "Mutton dressed as lamb"?), Gabby notices something suspicious: a VCR. No one has VCRs anymore! Susan hits eject and a tape pops out. Susan's all, "See? It's just a tape." But Gabby's too wily for that. She shakes the tape and it rattles. Gabby snaps it open to reveal Julie's stash of birth control pills. The "My Daughter Gets Straight As (in Putting Penises Inside Her)" music tinkles mournfully.