Carlos comes to visit Gabby and see how her date with the secret admirer went. "Good-looking," Gabby reports, "just not my type." Carlos, gloating: "Oh, really? Because I always thought that you and [Zana] would make a really great couple." Apparently, Carlos followed Gabby to the restaurant just to make sure she was okay. Sweet. "I thought you were at meeting a psycho killer for lunch," Carlos explains. "Well, at least until they brought out the crayons and children's menus." Gabby informs Carlos that she actually won't be needing his guard-dog services anymore: she's having an alarm installed; she'll be fine on her own. Sisters are doing it for themselves, etc. This whole "woman hear me roar" thing feels a little tired to me. Didn't we go through this exact same thing with Susan?
Titsville. Tom comes home early and in the mood to celebrate: he got his liquor license! Lynette admirably feigns surprise. Tom explains that, apparently, Andrew went door to door and got the signatures. Except that Tom's pretty sure Andrew's lying. He thinks some nosy someone else did the legwork. Lynette fesses up, and Tom goes directly into his sad-sack routine: "Order has been restored: you saved the day, I'm a loser." He takes a bit swig of...bourbon? Whiskey? And confesses that the license wasn't the only problem: there's also termites and plumbing issues and the little matter of the chairs not getting delivered until after the opening of the restaurant. Lynette chides Tom for not telling her about all of his woes, and he whines that he was hoping he could be the man for once. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice? Lynette soothes him with stories about all the jingles he's helped her with at her job -- I guess she still has a job? All evidence to the contrary? Tom allows himself to be soothed, they make up, and sex is back on the menu!
Oh, right. Julie. This is going to be a rough one. I'm going to just go grab a beer...
...okay, I'm back. So Julie comes home and Susan is sitting out on the front porch, waiting for her. Julie can immediately tell that something's wrong. Susan holds out Julie's birth-control pills, and Julie is completely busted. Clearly, she's had no prior warning about this confrontation, which means that not only is Austin nothing but a two-timing torso, but he also didn't have the guts to talk to Julie once he realized that the cat(ty slut Danielle) was out of the bag. What an utter shit. Susan, to her credit, is very, very nice. She confronts Julie about her lying, but holds off on screaming that sex makes your peeper sting or whatever. They talk about trust, and about how you have to find ways to communicate (and not go running to Edie) even if one or both parties is having a meltdown. Julie apologizes, but explains that even though Susan's not that into the idea, she and Austin are indeed in love. Ugh, and here comes the string section. Susan: "Yeah, about that..." Susan puts her arm around Julie, and the camera pans up, up, and away. Hey, I have a question: where's Karl? Wouldn't he want to be a part of this conversation? At the very least, I'd like to see him put Austin over his knee for a good paddling. And (you guys, I can't believe I even have to say this) not in a sexy way.