Desperate Housewives
Not While I'm Around

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Not While I'm Around

Casa Tooth and Consequences. Bree calls Orson at work and leaves a message for him to come home right away. She puts down the phone and stares at the bloody teeth (Monique's, right? I mean they have to be, right?), she's just holding right there in her bare hand. Pret-ty gnarly. Though I guess you have quietly admire, if not outright love, a show that uses both teeth and dentures as murderous plot points.

And that kicks us in to the Mary Alice wrap-up. "It's a dangerous world," she reminds us, "so we all look for protection." Oh, right: today's episode has been sponsored by the letter protection.

MA tells us that some of us find safety "it in the arms of our mother [sic]." Julie sits on the porch, weeping, as Susan sadly tries to soothe her. Well, at least they didn't drag that out with some wacky hijinks, with Julie refusing to believe Susan or whatever. That would have been truly grim.

Others, according to MA, find their comfort in "a jagged blade." We see Mike lying in his bunk, clutching his sad little toothbrush.

Tom and Lynette, MA tells us, find protection in frenching each other.

Bree, no surprise, finds hers "at the end of a barrel." She grabs her pistol out of a drawer and looks out her window.

MA: "We do what we have to to feel safe. Because we know, somewhere in the world, there are those who would do us harm." Alma, out at the curb taking out her trash, spies Bree standing in her window and waves coyly. Oh man. Crazy train!

Up next: Zana jams his tongue and maybe even some uvula down Gabby's wee gullet.

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Desperate Housewives

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