Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Now I Know, Don't Be Scared

At the IRS, Edie is finding out that the investigators struck out; Carlos's offshore account doesn't exist. So she goes to confront Carlos (who is somehow still moving, even as Edie's entire IRS investigation has already been completed), demanding to know what happened to the $10 million. He denies it extra-loud, for the benefit of any wire Edie might be wearing, and asks why Edie would care about it if she weren't planning to use it against him. Edie flusters at him, and says it's not over. Carlos calmly says it is, and he won. Oh, Carlos. You were married to Gabby how long and you still don't know how to not poke the crazy?

Lynette has run out of ideas for dealing with the possum, so she's come to Bree for help. Not for suggestions, mind you; but for a gun. Bree warns Lynette that the town council has banned live ammo, but an air rifle will sting the possum away for good. "Try Gun City on Route 6 next to the Baptist Church," Bree says. "Tell 'em I sent you, and they'll give you a nice discount." Lynette thanks her and heads off, trying to prevent her brain from playing some of the stories it must be playing right now.

Gabby has called Carlos over to talk. He's not happy about abandoning their agreement not to see each other for six months, but she proposes thirteen instead and shows Carlos the huge check. Carlos isn't pleased that she's essentially taking money to sleep with a man she doesn't love. "Gee, if that were a job, what would you call it?" Carlos has apparently also never learned not to call his girlfriend a whore. Maybe he should just be single for a while. Gabby says they need the money, and Carlos gets an idea. "What if we didn't?" he asks. So he tells Gabby about his big cash stash. "You embezzled ten million dollars?" she asks him dangerously, and then starts kissing all over him. But then she pulls away when she realizes that he's had the money since they were married -- and, thus, since they were divorced. "I was entitled to half of everything you embezzled!" she accuses. She says this means she can't trust Carlos, and she kicks him out, which is something I might take the time to count the layers of bullshit in if this were a full recap. He doesn't understand why she isn't happier that he has millions of dollars and wants to be with her. "Gee, if that were a job," Gabby shoots back, "what would they call it?" Carlos leaves, defeated.

Visiting day at the prison, and Mike's dad is played by Robert Forster, which is an outstanding piece of casting. Susan gets right down to the questions, asking about family medical history. Oh, and one other thing: "Who did you kill?" Papa Delfino pleasantly tells a long story about killing a workplace rival with his own tie, after said rival poached a promotion that should have been Papa Delfino's. "Well, now you know," Mike shrugs at Susan. So that covers half the title.

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Desperate Housewives




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