So, after we've been ham-fisted with that clunky dialogue, the scene is finally set for Susan to talk to Mike about her wizened uterus. He comforts that it's a "natural part of life." Susan: "Yeah, the part right before death." She's especially sad because she thinks Mike secretly wants kids, even though Susan doesn't want them. He tells her loves her, and that if they never have kids, he's totally "fine with that." Susan, with a Rudolph nose of sadness: "I don't want you to be fine, I want you to be happy!"

Carlos and Edie arrive at the BBQ, fresh from the hospital, and Edie dazedly mistakes the party for a celebration of her return. Carlos goes off to unpack the car, and Edie gloats to the Ladies that she and Carlos are talking marriage. Katherine comes up and introduces herself, and Edie welcomes the new neighbor to her party, which I guess is supposed to be funny.

Gabby stomps over to Carlos and they stand behind the car, alternately yelling and then kissing and then yelling again. Ultimate outcome: Carlos can't run away with Gabby because Edie's "too fragile right now." Gabby click-clacks off in a huff.

Back at the BBQ, Bree accidentally impales her faux-bump on a gigantic fork without even noticing it. Ida spots the gory scene and starts screaming, and Orson is forced to stab Bree again and again to demonstrate that it's a gag fork, ha ha, and that faux-fetus-impalement is just one of the hilarious pranks that he and Bree love to play on old ladies. Orson and Bree retire off to the sidewalk to have a deep, deep scene -- with much Wisteria-style dramatic tune-age under -- about how Orson wants to give up the ridiculous baby ruse, but Bree is keenly aware of what a mess she made with Danielle and Andrew, and now she wants Danielle's baby as her do-over. I don't really care what they do -- this storyline is kind of stillborn. Stick a fork in it, it's done. Abort, abort!

Mean Muriel (she's everywhere!) comes up to Lynette and gives her a hard time about not picking up some key materials for that school project Lynette volunteered for. Lynette, frustrated and clearly exhausted, pulls out the big guns and takes off her wig. Muriel sucks in air, brusquely says that she thinks she might "give Helen a call," and makes a speedy getaway. Behind her, we see all the Ladies taking in the sad sight of the Star-Trek: The Motion Picture stylings of Lynette's bald, bald head. Felicity Huffman does some great acting here, letting her red, red eyes do all the talking this scene needs.