Katherine throws a big, elaborate BBQ and invites the whole neighborhood to attend. Mrs. McCluskey pointedly asks her why she left town so suddenly, and Katherine dodges the question. Mike puts down a plate of egg salad and whispers to Susan that he thinks "the eggs are past their prime." I know we just met Katherine, but somehow I don't think she'd ever be guilty of serving guests iffy egg salad? Also, couldn't the writers have found a slightly less weighty anvil to drop here to segue to Susan's menopause? Just then, a table of Wisteria's oldest whiteheads (Ida, Mrs. McCluskey, et cetera, et cetera) gleefully call out to Susan that they've been saving a seat for her, which is also just a total brick.
So, after we've been ham-fisted with that clunky dialogue, the scene is finally set for Susan to talk to Mike about her wizened uterus. He comforts that it's a "natural part of life." Susan: "Yeah, the part right before death." She's especially sad because she thinks Mike secretly wants kids, even though Susan doesn't want them. He tells her loves her, and that if they never have kids, he's totally "fine with that." Susan, with a Rudolph nose of sadness: "I don't want you to be fine, I want you to be happy!"
Carlos and Edie arrive at the BBQ, fresh from the hospital, and Edie dazedly mistakes the party for a celebration of her return. Carlos goes off to unpack the car, and Edie gloats to the Ladies that she and Carlos are talking marriage. Katherine comes up and introduces herself, and Edie welcomes the new neighbor to her party, which I guess is supposed to be funny.
Gabby stomps over to Carlos and they stand behind the car, alternately yelling and then kissing and then yelling again. Ultimate outcome: Carlos can't run away with Gabby because Edie's "too fragile right now." Gabby click-clacks off in a huff.
Back at the BBQ, Bree accidentally impales her faux-bump on a gigantic fork without even noticing it. Ida spots the gory scene and starts screaming, and Orson is forced to stab Bree again and again to demonstrate that it's a gag fork, ha ha, and that faux-fetus-impalement is just one of the hilarious pranks that he and Bree love to play on old ladies. Orson and Bree retire off to the sidewalk to have a deep, deep scene -- with much Wisteria-style dramatic tune-age under -- about how Orson wants to give up the ridiculous baby ruse, but Bree is keenly aware of what a mess she made with Danielle and Andrew, and now she wants Danielle's baby as her do-over. I don't really care what they do -- this storyline is kind of stillborn. Stick a fork in it, it's done. Abort, abort!