Desperate Housewives
One More Kiss

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One More Kiss

When Betty and Matthew return, they discover Caleb sitting at the table, moaning and gobbling ice cream. Matthew and Betty stare at Caleb, and he blurts: "I didn't do it." Uh oh. Betty surveys the kitchen nervously as the "here comes trouble" fiddles sound. Together Betty and Matthew reach the top of the basement steps and look down and spy the half body on the stairs. Betty: "Oh dear." And...commercial!

Bree, still wearing the same outfit from the morning's blackmail session with Andrew, walks up to Edie's house. Karl answers the door, and Bree hands him a yellow-ribbon-covered basket full of muffins. He takes them from her, somewhat confusedly, and sniffs them as Bree launches in: "Quick question: when someone discusses a sensitive situation with a lawyer, such as yourself, when does attorney-client confidentiality kick in?" Karl, still baffled, answers, "From the moment a lawyer's been hired. Why?" Bree hands him a check for a hundred dollars and tells Karl, "My son is trying to blackmail me, and I want you to stop the little SOB." Karl looks down at his muffins, then gapes back up at Bree. And scene.

Sitting at the bottom of the basement stairs, Betty and Matthew rifle through PI Ironside's wallet and determine that his name is Monroe, he's from Illinois, and he's not a cop. Betty sighs and says she hopes Monroe didn't suffer. Matthew, laughing: "Mom? Are we looking at the same body?" Just then, the MIDI strains of the Peter Gunn Theme Song start to trill, and Matthew and Betty do the darting "cell phone search" with their eyes until together they look over at dead PI Ironside. Matthew pats down the body until he finds the phone, which is displaying the name "Foster" as the ID for the incoming call (as in Melanie Foster, the girl Caleb supposedly killed). Betty, looking determined: "As soon as it gets dark, we get rid of that body."

Gabby, wearing one of her crazy and endless faux ponytails, is busy making a smoothie when Lynette walks in. Lynette stutters that Carlos let her in, and Gabby tells her primly, "Actually, I'm right in the middle of something and I don't know when I'll be done." Lynette, earnestly: "I am sorry, and I have been a complete idiot." Gabby pulses the smoothie for one scant second and then says, "All done." Ha!

Cut to Lynette and Gabby laughing and laughing and sipping smoothies. Lynette mutters something that my mute text tells me is "so cute, 'cause it's beautiful" (huh?), and Carlos walks in and tentatively asks if the "coast is clear." Gabby tells him that she and Lynette have indeed made up. Carlos asks how they managed it. Gabby: "Simple: Lynette admitted she was wrong and I agreed." Uh oh. Lynette, with that false-humorous look seeping back into her face: "Well, ninety-nine percent wrong." Gabby, glibly: "Oh whatever. Close enough!" Lynette gets up to leave, and is allllmost home free when, once again, she circles back (and I roll my eyes so hard and so far that my retina is momentarily bruised and all I see is a lava lamp of green and red). Lynette, to Gabby: "You know what the one percent is, right?" Gabby laughs nervously, and says she doesn't, but really, "does it matter?" Lynette screws her face up and insists that it "kind of does." Lynette tries once again to explain it to Gabby: "Yes, I overreacted. [But] I think you can see how, even though I was somewhat off-base, you were a little wrong, right?" But Gabby can't or won't see it, and she sticks to her "kiss as harmless joke" theory. Gabby, taking things into dangerous territory: "I think if it had been anybody else's husband, they would have laughed and forgotten about it ten seconds later." Lynette says, "Okay, let's test that theory," and then she turns to Carlos, who's innocently stirring his smoothie, and pulls him in for a big, fat, wet, "sailor home from war" kiss. Gabby looks thrown for a minute, but pluckily informs Lynette, "See, I don't care." Carlos puts his hand on Lynette's back, and Lynette spins him so that his back is facing Gabby, and then she spins him again, all the while kissing and possibly even tonguing Carlos (the angles are weird so I can't be absolutely sure). Gabby: "It's just a waste of time, and...spit." The wacky "just deserts" music swells, and you can see Carlos is maybe kind of into it, and now Gabby is just a little bit affected. "Okay," she says, and then, "okay, okay, OKAY!" She pries Carlos off Lynette, snapping, "I get your point!" Lynette: "All righty, then. My work here is done." Lynette struts out, and Gabby turns to give Carlos the hairy eyeball. Carlos, who is ruffled and momentary speechless, only manages to laugh weakly.

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Desperate Housewives

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