Desperate Housewives
One More Kiss

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One More Kiss

Under the cover of darkness, Betty and Matthew lower dead PI Ironside into his own trunk. Matthew is patting down his pockets when Betty slams the trunk closed. Matthew tries to stop her but it's too late. It looks as though the keys to Ironside's car are now locked inside the trunk with his body. Betty looks panicked for a second, and then she bursts into giggles. Matthew gives her a funny look, and Betty, fanning her face, tells him, "Sometimes you just have to laugh." My friends and I spent a very long time trying to brainstorm ways they could have gotten inside the trunk (smash the window and pop the trunk? But what if his car is one of the many without a trunk-popper? Okay then, break the window, put the car in neutral and push the car into a less incriminating block. But what if someone sees them pushing the car? And wouldn't the steering wheel be locked without the key? What if they got AAA to come out and make them a new key? But then, wouldn't there be a record of the car being on Wisteria Lane? Maybe if they switched the car's plates...), and while none of our ideas were all that great, they were still better than just...standing there, laughing. Then again, the Fairview police being what they are (i.e., lame beyond all reason), there's not too much to worry about either way.

Andrew is hard at work playing a videogame when Bree (in a sumptuous Pinot-red V-neck sweater) strolls in front of the television and asks him to turn off his game. "My lawyer," she informs him with a smile, "would like to have a little chat with you." Karl steps up next to Bree and smiles.

Cut to Karl sitting at the table, which has been set with placemats, plates, napkins, forks, coffee cups, and water glasses. Bree walks in with a plate of cookies just as Karl finishes up explaining the facts to Andrew: "So even though your mother did witness George Williams's suicide, there's no affirmative duty to intervene, therefore no crime was committed. Even if the police find out, your mom will never see the inside of a courtroom." ["Depraved indifference to human life? Come on, writers; we watch Law & Order." -- Wing Chun] Andrew counters with the supposition that maybe he "got the story wrong" -- maybe Bree went over to George's hotel room to help him commit suicide? Bree informs him that if he wants to try lying, then she's happy to sue him. Andrew, arms crossed defensively, asks "For what?" Karl: "For abuse of process. It's when a person tries to exploit the legal system for an improper purpose...like blackmail." Wow, "abuse of process"? "Affirmative duty to intervene"? It's like the show's gone and hired an actual lawyer to find out what's really legal and what's not! Crazy. Andrew, trying to find yet another workaround, says he's sure they won't sue him, since he's "just a kid." Bree, smiling the smile of a well-fed cat: "Oh, don't worry, I won't start garnishing your wages until you turn eighteen." Which, again, is when exactly? Karl: "Your mom. Is she a peach or what?" Andrew, smugly: "If the cops don't give a damn, I'm sure your friends will." Bree's satisfied smile falters. Andrew continues: "How does a little public humiliation sound?" Karl asks Bree for a refill, and she heads off to the kitchen. The second she's out of sight, Karl gets up and pulls Andrew along after him and then shoves him into a wall. Karl, all up in Andrew's face: "Your father was a friend of mine. If he were around to see what a nasty little turd you've turned into, he'd knock the hell out of you." Wow, go Karl! Andrew, still snotty, points out that, actually, his dad isn't around. Karl, inches from Andrew's face, and squeezing Andrew's cheeks violently with one hand: "No, he isn't. But if you don't get your act together and start treating your mother with some respect, I'll take care of you myself. You understand what I'm saying?" Andrew agrees, looking scared (but still with a glimmer of resentment hidden in there somewhere, which makes me think that Karl maybe should start watching his back), and Karl pats Andrew's cheek and returns to the table. In the kitchen, we see Bree with her back resting against the wall and a glass of wine nuzzled into her breast. She's been listening to every word and she now looks entirely pained. Awww. I don't want Bree to be a drunk!

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Desperate Housewives

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