Desperate Housewives
One More Kiss

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One More Kiss

Lynette and Bree drive past each other and stop in the middle of the road for some traffic-blocking chit-chat. (In junior high, we called this kind of car-to-car communication "cop talk" in honor of the way small-town police like to park their "units" head-to-toe so that both drivers can talk without having to yell across a passenger seat.) Lynette: "Hey! You're out early!" Bree, with fiendish chipperness: "Oh! I just wanted to pick up some fresh croissants for breakfast!" And the way she says "croissants" is, of course, very much the phlegm-ish French way (as opposed to the Jack in the Box "crescent roll" way). Lynette, distractedly: "Oh, cool." Ha! Lynette then launches in with the real reason she stopped: she wants to thank Bree for having her back regarding the Gabby/Tom Kiss Scandal at "last night"'s party. (So the big makeout party was on a work night? Huh?) Bree agrees that she wouldn't have been down with Gabby's behavior either. Lynette: "Yeah...but I probably should have just gone with it. Gabby was just being Gabby...having fun..." Bree assures Lynette that her reaction wasn't at all out of line, given Gabby's "history." Lynette is all "???" and Bree is all, you know, "the affair!" But it turns out that Lynette totally had no idea (which is kind of insane: once John the Gardener's mother found out about the affair, it seemed pretty much guaranteed that it was going to make its way around the neighborhood). Bree -- uncomfortable now that she realizes she's spreading heretofore-unheard gossip -- tries to back out of it, but now that Lynette's got the whiff of juicy gossip, she's not letting go.

Just then, Ida the Drunk comes pulling up behind Lynette in a big silver American square box of a car. Lynette yells "just a second" to Ida, and then she turns back to Bree and pumps her for more info. Who? Who did Gabby sleep with? Ida honks, and Bree, looking increasingly uncomfortable, reluctantly whispers that it was Gabby's gardener. Lynette turns and looks over at Gabby's house and there, trimming the hedge, is Gabby's sweaty and shirtless and not-so-hot replacement gardener. Lynette's face curdles. Bree: "No, no. Not him! Helen Rowland's son, John!" Lynette, scandalized by this statutory news, gasps. Ida honks again, and Lynette yells for her to "wait, or...go around!" That Lynette, I think she gets a secret thrill forcing traffic to stop just so she can speak her piece. Lynette turns back to Bree and asks her if Gabby knows that Bree knows. Bree: "Absolutely not! I think the best thing to do is smile and pretend you don't know anything." Which, as we well know, is a particularly favorite mantra of Bree's. Fed up, Ida angrily backs up her car and slams on the brakes, managing to produce a squeal at 3 MPH, which is no small feat. Then she screeches her machine into Drive and bounces up onto the sidewalk beside Lynette, delivering a scathing look at Lynette as she rolls through the very narrow space between Lynette's car and the sweaty gardener. Bree turns and watches Ida go, and then she delivers a funny little "Huh!"

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Desperate Housewives




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