Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B+ | 1332 USERS: C+
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One Wonderful Day

Finally, Zana agrees to let Susan answer the door, but tells her she can't let Edie in. With a gun in her side, Susan opens the door and tells Edie what a pleasant surprise it is to see her. Edie asks where Mike is, and when Susan tells her that he's still over at the big plumbing job, Edie asks if she can come in. Susan: "Why?" Edie: "I'm warning all the neighbors: Felicia Tilman was attacked, at the Young house, they took her away in an ambulance." Edie is totally freaked out, and since her guys haven't shown up at the job site, she wonders if she can come inside and hang out for a minute. (By the way, what time is it? Construction workers usually get to work at like 7 AM, so if they aren't on the job yet, then it must be very early in the morning, yet Edie is still wearing the yellow dress she wore to greet the Applewhites? Did she drop by their house at...5 AM? That seems...unlikely? Whatever. I give up.) Silently Susan mouths something that looks like, Zach is sticking a gun at me, thereby creating a suspicious and lengthy pause in the conversation. Do you think Zana and his gun, who are monitoring things from, like, two inches away, won't notice the sudden gap in chatting, Susan? Edie, misinterpreting: "Stick it up my...what?" Maybe the next time you have a gun in your side, Susan, and have to silently transmit an S.O.S., try mouthing something simple, like Help. Zana -- clearly aware that Susan is trying to get away with some funny business -- presses the gun into her side. Susan to Edie, "Just get the hell out of here." Edie: "God, you are such a bitch." Susan shoots Edie (whose name, by the way, I just mistyped as "Easy," ha) a final pleading look and slams the door. Susan turns and asks Zana, "Why?" Zana menacingly explains that he asked Mrs. Tilman for the truth about Zana's father and, incentive-ized by his hockey stick, she told him Mr. Delfino took Zana's dad away to kill him: "And now I'm going to kill Mr. Delfino." Yes, it looks as though Zana is now completely, violently crazy, oops.

Gabby is sitting in the witness box of what we're told is a grand jury hearing. A grand jury hearing assembled just one Earth day after Carlos's assault on Justin? Fairview's legal system really seems to have applied pedal to metal. ["It must speed up the process when your grand jury can be made up of just twelve people." -- Wing Chun] Gabby is giving a tooting-good impression of a neglected housewife forced to make up lies about having an affair with hopes of rekindling her husband's interest: "Your honor, this whole mess is just the result of my loneliness," etc. Carlos observes her dog and pony show with a smug "everything's going my way" look on his face. Justin, covered in bruises, sits in the gallery directly behind him looking not at all pleased. The prosecution asks if there's a point to Gabby's sad tale of woes. "My point is that Carlos is an angry, jealous Neanderthal!" Gabby yells, causing a brief look of disgruntlement to pass over Carlos. "But he's not a gay basher." The cable guy, wearing his cable uniform, looks on in disbelief. The judge says that he's had enough, and asks counsel to approach the bench, and Carlos gives another revoltingly smug look. With his hand over the microphone, the judge tells the lawyers, "I gotta be honest, I don't think we have a hate crime here." Overhearing this from her cat-bird seat in the witness box, Gabby gives Carlos, and the hundred other people in the courtroom, a little "yay, we did it, we fooled them good!" nod. What the hell? Carlos and Gabby are idiots.

Desperate Housewives

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