Desperate Housewives
One Wonderful Day

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One Wonderful Day

Julie is leaving to spend the weekend with her dad, and Susan is walking them to his car. Julie reminds Susan to go feed Bongo over at Mike's and Susan is all, oh yeah! Must Julie think of everything, Susan? Karl shoos Julie off to go sit in the car while he talks some stuff over with Susan, then he taunts Susan for living in sin with the plumber/ex-con. Susan: "It's funny you should mention sin. I think adultery still falls in that category." Nonetheless! Karl doesn't like the idea of a wicked man such as Mike hanging around his daughter. Susan: "He's a good person." Julie, calling out from the car: "Mike's cool, Dad, he cares about us a lot and I like having him around, so don't mess this up." Susan: "You heard the girl." Karl, walking to the car: "He's still a plumber." Susan laughs the laugh of someone so very over her ex-husband. Finally.

Susan walks across the street and lets herself into Mike's house. Bongo the dog jumps up and barks at her, and she says something about him being good or he's going to bed without supper. And then out strolls Zana, Mike's gun in hand, his shirt tucked 20,000-leagues deep into his pants. "Hi, Mrs. Mayer," he says ominously, and then he gestures with the gun for Susan to sit down and the music swells. Commercial!

Susan and Zana are sitting in Mike's house, staring at each other in silence. Slowly Susan looks around the room for potential defense weaponry. She spots the knife rack sitting by a plate of old cheese rinds, she sees a towering black vase by the window, and there, sitting on a side table, is a sharp set of deer antlers. (Kudos, Mike, on the insane decorating style.) Sly Susan tells Zana that she's just going to grab some water, but Zana leaps up, points the gun directly at her, and tells her he'd rather she didn't. And then Edie knocks at the door, and Zana tells Susan not to answer it. But Edie peeks in one of the windows and spots Susan sitting at the table, and Susan kind of hunches down like maybe if she sits two inches lower in her chair, Edie will un-see her. "I know you're in there, Susan," Edie yells through the window, "I can see you!" Susan puts her hand up and grimaces. "If you don't want to talk to me, then fine, at least have the courtesy to hide!" Ha! Edie glares at Susan and then goes back to knocking on the front door.

Finally, Zana agrees to let Susan answer the door, but tells her she can't let Edie in. With a gun in her side, Susan opens the door and tells Edie what a pleasant surprise it is to see her. Edie asks where Mike is, and when Susan tells her that he's still over at the big plumbing job, Edie asks if she can come in. Susan: "Why?" Edie: "I'm warning all the neighbors: Felicia Tilman was attacked, at the Young house, they took her away in an ambulance." Edie is totally freaked out, and since her guys haven't shown up at the job site, she wonders if she can come inside and hang out for a minute. (By the way, what time is it? Construction workers usually get to work at like 7 AM, so if they aren't on the job yet, then it must be very early in the morning, yet Edie is still wearing the yellow dress she wore to greet the Applewhites? Did she drop by their house at...5 AM? That seems...unlikely? Whatever. I give up.) Silently Susan mouths something that looks like, Zach is sticking a gun at me, thereby creating a suspicious and lengthy pause in the conversation. Do you think Zana and his gun, who are monitoring things from, like, two inches away, won't notice the sudden gap in chatting, Susan? Edie, misinterpreting: "Stick it up my...what?" Maybe the next time you have a gun in your side, Susan, and have to silently transmit an S.O.S., try mouthing something simple, like Help. Zana -- clearly aware that Susan is trying to get away with some funny business -- presses the gun into her side. Susan to Edie, "Just get the hell out of here." Edie: "God, you are such a bitch." Susan shoots Edie (whose name, by the way, I just mistyped as "Easy," ha) a final pleading look and slams the door. Susan turns and asks Zana, "Why?" Zana menacingly explains that he asked Mrs. Tilman for the truth about Zana's father and, incentive-ized by his hockey stick, she told him Mr. Delfino took Zana's dad away to kill him: "And now I'm going to kill Mr. Delfino." Yes, it looks as though Zana is now completely, violently crazy, oops.

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Desperate Housewives

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