Desperate Housewives
Pilot

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Pilot

So, the house totally burns down. Edie watches her life go up in flames, as the rest of the neighbors stand and stare. The members of the Coffee Klatch stand together, Susan making a series of really very guilty faces. Lynette explains that the guy Edie was boning got smoke inhalation and got sent to the hospital. Susan groans. She tells them that she just feels really, really bad for Edie. Really bad. But everyone agrees that Edie will get through this. "She'll find a way to survive," Lynette says. "We all do," KimberBree agrees. Well, except for Mary Alice. The girls wander off, and Susan drifts about looking guilty. Eventually, Mike wanders up and asks what happened. Susan is thrilled to see him alive and not in the hospital. He explains that he just got back from the movies. "Edie had a fire, huh?" he asks. Oh, he's a smart one. Susan assures him Edie is fine. "Everything's fine now," she beams. They watch the house burn. Burn like the flames of their love!

Mike then goes home and picks up the phone. "It's me. Nothing yet, but don't worry. I'm definitely getting closer," he says, mysteriously. He reaches into his pants, withdraws his gun, and places it on the table. Why, what? He's not a plumber? No! How can this be?

The next day, the girls emerge from Mary Alice's house. They'ee finishing packing up Mary Alice's things, and toast her as a good friend and neighbor. "Wherever you are, I hope you've found peace," Susan says to the air, as they all drink champagne. Gabrielle, digging through a box of Mary Alice's pants, spills that their now dead friend was actually a size eight. Well, no wonder she killed herself. Gabrielle unfurls some clothing, and a lavender envelope falls out. KimberBree opens it. It reads: "I know what you did last summer." Or, "I know what you did. It makes me sick. I'm going to tell." Whichever. All the girls stare at each other. "Oh my God, she got it the day she died," says KimberBree, examining the postmark. ["Miraculously, since the postmark shows the day it was mailed, not the day it arrived." -- Wing Chun] Susan looks perturbed. "Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?" she asks, as the camera pulls way back and we kick into sprightly music. DUM DUM DUM DUM!

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Desperate Housewives

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