Desperate Housewives
Pilot

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Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
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Pilot

KimberBree snaps Susan out of her reverie and tells her that Paul's asked them to help pack up Mary Alice's things. Susan snaps that she's just so angry. Why didn't Mary Alice let them help her? she wonders. Gabrielle reflects that she's sure they would have known if something were wrong with her. Susan -- for once, not the dumb one -- points out that the woman killed herself, so something was obviously happening. Cut to Creepy Paul standing around and looking menacing.

Elsewhere at the party, Mysterious Mike helps himself to Susan's mac and cheese. She throws herself in front of that lactose-enriched bus, explaining that he shouldn't eat it: "I made it. Trust me." He can't believe anyone could possibly screw up mac and cheese, so he takes a bite and, of course, makes a terrible face. Susan throws him an "I told you so" look. He mumbles that it tastes both burned and undercooked. "Yeah, I get that a lot," she tells him, and hands him a napkin to spit it into. He introduces himself, and they shake hands. Susan exposits that she illustrates children's books, and he explains that he just moved in, and that he's a plumber. Or, er, a "plumber." "So if you ever have a clog...or something," he offers. Susan, naturally, twitters and removes the mac and cheese from the table before scampering off, smiling back at him. Julie watches her mother's inept flirting from across the room. Julie, please learn from your mother's mistakes.

Across the party, Lynette is breast-feeding. "Ouch. Ease up, ya little vampire," she says to the poor kid. Mrs. Kravitz sweeps into frame. "Are you aware of what your sons are doing?" she asks. The twins and that random other kid we never see anymore are splashing around in the swimming pool, and they look quite happy about it. All the guests stare. Dudes, it's a funeral and they're little kids. I say, let them swim. Swim, dammit! Swim! But Lynette runs down to the pool and hisses that this is a wake, for Christ's sake. The boys chirps that they prepared by putting their swimsuits on under their clothes before they left the house, and isn't that clever? But Lynette is, per usual, furious. She demands that they get out of the pool. No! Yes. No! Yes. No! So Lynette hands some random dude the baby and wades into the pool in her clothes, without taking her shoes off first. And I know that she sacrificed her footwear so that they could get this shot of her high heels trudging through the water, but no woman would ever ruin her shoes like this. Not to mention the fact that Lynette, in doing this, is really making more of a spectacle of her family than would be created just by letting the kids swim. At any rate, she pulls them out of the drink and turns to Creepy Paul and tells them that they have to leave. And she's real sorry about how his wife is all dead and stuff.

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Desperate Housewives

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