Desperate Housewives
Pilot

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Pilot

Speaking of fighting, over at Casa Unfaithful, Gabrielle is snapping at Carlos that he can't treat her like a child. She doesn't want to go to this business function of his, apparently, because his boss always tries to grab her ass. "I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year," says Carlos. "If he wants to grab your ass, you let him." He stalks out of the house and right past Miguel, who is working on the roses. He yells at poor pretty Miguel about...something gardening-related....and then Miguel hurts his finger on the roses and then Gabrielle storms out and then she sends Miguel inside for a Band-Aid and then she and Carlo bicker some more, this time about how he spends all this money on her and she's so unappreciative and blah blah blah, she finally eventually agrees to go to the aforementioned party, but she will allow no ass-grabbing. Carlos: "See? This is what a marriage is all about. Compromise." He goes.

As soon as he's gone, Gabrielle heads into the house to kiss Miguel's finger and cure him with her vagina. They have sex on the table. He does make some noise about being worried about losing his job over her, but he just can't resist her La Perla!

KimberBree's: the family is having dinner and complaining about all the hard work she's done while they're all just screwing around. "Why can't we ever have normal soup?" Danielle whines. KimberBree informs her that there's nothing abnormal about basil puree. But bratty ungrateful Danielle wants a soup someone has heard of, "like French Onion or navy bean." KimberBree sniffs that Rex is deathly allergic to onions, and that she's not even going to dignify navy bean with a response. Then Andrew starts getting peevish about the osso buco -- which is really hard to make, you unappreciative brats -- and announces that he'd rather have pork and beans. Rex just watches this all unfold. "You'd rather have PORK AND BEANS?" KimberBree asks. "Apologize now. I'm begging you," Danielle hisses. You started it, you crab apple. Wee dickweed Andrew -- who, I am telling you now, will make his future wife's life hell -- wonders if they can ever just have, you know, food. KimberBree stares at him. "Are you doing drugs?" she asks. "What?" he asks. She informs him that he's been "fresh as paint" for the last six months, and he retorts that she's the one that acts like she's running for the Mayor of Stepford. Danielle looks pained, and there is a long silence. Finally, KimberBree asks Rex, as the head of the family, to defend her. "Pass the salt," he says simply in response. Oh, Rex. You are an asshole. You don't ever let your kids best your wife in an argument, even if you do secretly agree with the kid.

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Desperate Housewives

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