Across the room, MJ's making small talk with Stripper Rita, who's sad that she doesn't have any skills for a job. He tells her she's so pretty she could be a princess. Susan notices how smitten he is with her, and tells Mike, who replies, "He's a guy. ...And she's good with kids." It dawns on Susan that they've been looking for an assistant art teacher at the school. Mike wonders if she can handle that, and Susan says they (implying she's an assistant, too, right? Right?) glue macaroni to shoeboxes; it's not that hard. Mike wonders why that's not okay when he says it... Stripper Rita thanks MJ for cheering her up, and says he's sweet. His reply: "You can give me a bath if you want to." Heh.
Roy looks dead in a chair when Bree comes in and startles him. She asks where Orson is, since he's supposed to be watching him. Roy: "Don't worry. I stuck him in the laundry room and put a broom through his spokes." In the laundry room, Orson's reading a magazine and calmly asks Bree if they can please cross Roy off the suicide watch list. Roy: "Hey, you're alive. My job's done here." Orson wonders what took Bree so long anyway, and she says she had to stop and pick up their guests. She wheels him into the living room, where there are two other guys in wheelchairs. [One of them is former Brothers star Daryl Mitchell, who is actually paralyzed. - Z] They try to give Orson a pep talk about how great life is ("We're not handicapped; we're handicapable"), but Orson's as snarky as ever, and when they tell him he has a wife that clearly loves him, Orson replies, "Wow. Paralyzed and blind. You must always be the first one to board the plane." He asks Bree in front of them if she loves them, and she... finally sputters that she cares for him very deeply. Ouch. She can't even lie for their guests? Bree tells the guests she's feeling a little upset now, and would they mind rolling themselves out? Commercials.
Casa de Solis. Gaby interrupts Ana's homework to ask if she's happy, and then offers her a check in an amount large enough to cover a year of modeling school and to rent an apartment in New York. The catch? It's not signed, and she'll sign it once Ana graduates high school without having sex -- or more sex, as the case may be. Gaby thinks she could talk to Ana about morality or STDs, but she thinks Ana responds to cold, hard cash. She asks Ana if she's going to be a successful model with a nice apartment or a teenage mom with no future. Ana pockets the check and says she's now very happy. At the play, Lynette can't believe she let Tom talk her into this just so he can be the teacher's pet. He says Lynette just doesn't like Jane because she hates when someone points out her flaws. The woman in front turns and shushes her, which she uses as an example of not hating having her flaws pointed out, but then she tells the woman she's annoying. None of it matters, though, once Jane comes out as the worst Cleopatra in the history of Shakespeare. And we all know that's a long, long history. And that Cleopatra used to be played by men. Tom and Lynette look at each other in shock. When they arrive home, they tell Parker that Lincoln had a better time at the theater. They discuss how bad it was and wonder how Jane got that part. Tom wants to erase this from his memory before their next session, but Lynette says they're not going to continue to take life lessons from a woman who has no self-awareness. Tom thinks Lynette was just looking for an excuse to dump Jane, but Lynette says she learned two things: Jane has no insight into human behavior, and there are 428 tiles on the ceiling of that theater. Tom says they're going to the next session -- and there are 429 tiles!