Desperate Housewives

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DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!
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Adopt-A-Stripper

Casa de Solis. Gaby, in a pretty red dress and matching headband, pulls a red box of condoms from a shopping bag right as Carlos walks in the room. He asks what's with the condoms, and she replies, "Calm down. They're not for you." Carlos: "Just what every man wants to hear from his wife." He tells her Ana's dating Danny, and they need to be realistic, but Carlos is all about killing Danny with his bare hands and burying him under the porch. Gaby says she thought that way at first, but Angie convinced her nature's going to take its course. Carlos thinks that's easy for Angie to say, since she has the boy, but if he knocks Ana up, who's going to end up raising the kid? Gaby thinks it will be Carlos, but he says it will be her, since he'll be in prison for killing what's buried under the porch.

Stripper Rita shows up at Susan's, calling her "Mrs. D.," which I find odd considering she worked at a place called "Double D's." It gives me the wrong mental image of what she's calling Susan. Anyway, Stripper Rita was inspired by Susan to quit her job, and she thinks it was the best thing she's ever done and Susan's her new role model (her old one, Candy, OD'ed). They hug, and Stripper Rita wonders what she does now; where she should work. Susan can't believe she quit without having a job lined up, but she doesn't want to discourage her. She asks if she's saved up, and... blank stare. Then cut to later, when Mike's wondering how she stripped for nine years and didn't save anything. Susan blames a boob job, a bad relationship, and the rising cost of glitter. Anyway, Susan has to help her, since she's the one who told her to quit her job. She didn't think she'd listen, since no one listens to her (for example, she hates Mike's shirt but he keeps wearing it). Susan says they need to find her a job, and Mike wonders what skills she has other than picking up a dollar without using her hands.

Across the room, MJ's making small talk with Stripper Rita, who's sad that she doesn't have any skills for a job. He tells her she's so pretty she could be a princess. Susan notices how smitten he is with her, and tells Mike, who replies, "He's a guy. ...And she's good with kids." It dawns on Susan that they've been looking for an assistant art teacher at the school. Mike wonders if she can handle that, and Susan says they (implying she's an assistant, too, right? Right?) glue macaroni to shoeboxes; it's not that hard. Mike wonders why that's not okay when he says it... Stripper Rita thanks MJ for cheering her up, and says he's sweet. His reply: "You can give me a bath if you want to." Heh.

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Desperate Housewives

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