Desperate Housewives
Pretty Little Picture

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
Pretty Little Picture

House of Creepy. Creepy Paul is reading the paper, and Zack, Son of Creepy, is sitting around looking bereaved. Zack asks Paul if he put an obituary in the paper for Mary Alice. "I've had other things on my mind, Zack," Paul snarls. "But how could you not do that? People are going to think we didn't care about her," Zack says. Paul doesn't think people will give it much thought. "You don't even talk about it. It's been barely over a month and it's like she never existed," Zack sniffles. Poor Zack. Paul snips that it's too early for "this kind of talk." Zack glares at him. "Maybe when you die, I won't put in an obituary," he says. "That will be your choice to make," Paul says. "Assuming you outlive me," he adds. Game...set...match to Creepy Paul. Zack just nervously picks up his orange juice... does Gabrielle, who is on the phone with her mother about some family issues -- like who's driving Aunt So and So to yada yada. You know. But someone's at the door! Why, it's Miguel in his sweaty gym clothes. But if Zack and Paul were having it now 4? I'm confused. Anyway, Gabrielle quickly hangs up on her mother and she and Miguel start doing it right there in front of her mostly-glass front door. Well, I'm glad to see that her decision not to bone him at home is standing firm. "How was school?" she asks, between liplocks. Miguel proudly announces that he got an A- on his Biology exam. This pleases Gabrielle, who expresses a willingness to test his knowledge of Biology then and there. That joke might have worked better with Chemistry, but whatever. They're all doing it, but Gabrielle opens her eyes for a sec and spies a horrified-looking child peering at them through the door. "Hey, you!" Gabrielle yells at the kid, who promptly turns tail and races away.

Meanwhile, across the street, Lynette and Susan climb out of Susan's car, girl talk a-poppin'. Susan is very embarrassed that Mike witnessed her Karl-related fit. "He's coming to the party, right?" Lynette asks. "I left three messages. No, he's not coming," Susan moans. I would have loved to have heard said messages. I'm sure they got progressively worse and worse, like that scene in Swingers, where Jon Favreau leaves like twenty messages on some girl's machine, and ends up just telling her, like, his entire life story and making a fool of himself. "I did everything but foam at the mouth," she says, "God, I hate it when I get that way. Every time I get within ten feet of Karl, I just become this monster." Lynette looks sympathetic and advises Susan to resolve her Karl-related issues. "What, forgive him? I've lived with this bitterness so long, I think I'd be lonely without it," Susan cracks. Lynette smiles that she should get a pet. Susan heads into the house, just as Lynette's own bitterness erupts when she looks down at the package of photos in her hand and sees Gay Matt, in a sombrero with two other guys. I mean, he's wearing the sombrero. He's not sitting in an enormous sombrero with two other men, or anything. Either way, I TOLD YOU HE WAS GAY.

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Desperate Housewives




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