Guest stars (Lainie Kazan, Brian Austin Green) and new series regulars (Vanessa Williams, Mark Moses) abound as we return to Wisteria Lane. Our first new cast addition is actually someone we knew way back when -- and also in last season's finale -- Paul Young, Mary Alice's husband who had been in prison for the wrong murder. MAVO sets up his appearance by reminding us all about his time on the first season. Then she reminds us that no one cared about him, so he's obviously moving back for revenge. If we doubted that, his visit to Felicia Tilman in jail (she's the one who framed him because he actually killed her sister, but we'll get back to that in the weecap). Anyway, she threatens him and accuses him, and he does end up mouthing his admittance to murder. But she tells her cellmate not to worry: He'll be dead within six months, since she has friends on Wisteria and he does not.
Also new to the lane is Vanessa Williams, who's at her evil best (okay, maybe not best, since obviously there is no better evil than Wilhelmina Slater) as Lynette's college friend, Renee, now married to a fake New York Yankee. Basically, she teases Lynette for being poor and looking old, and Lynette teases back that she's slept her way to where she is and has had nine facelifts. Don't try to understand it; none of Lynette's Wisteria friends do, either. But, because she's Lynette's friend, she quickly joins the group (which comes in handy with Dana Delaney getting her own show), where she's sure to stir things up.
Our guest stars this week appear to be setting up recurring roles: Lainie Kazan plays Susan's landlord and apparently soon-to-be boss. She offers Susan a job at the beginning of the episode wearing next to nothing on a webcam. Susan is too PROUD! And INDIGNANT! And too busy making ugly jewelry she thinks she'll be able to sell. So she rebuffs Lainie's job offer. Until Mike is denied a loan and says he'll have to move to Alaska to work on an oil rig for six months or a year. Susan's back at Lainie's with her clothes off quicker than you can say, "Why is Teri Hatcher always getting naked?"
And then there's Brian Austin Green, who shows up at the very end to help Bree with her latest "project" -- the one to get over Orson, who's already moved on to his physical therapist. (And Kyle MacLachlan's been downgraded to guest star, so they might not get back together anytime soon.) This project is replacing all of the wall coverings in her entire house, after she ripped them off in her attempt at a quiet moment with her thoughts. But, after Bree finds out Orson's moved on, Brian Austin's suddenly looking very appealing.
The show also answers the mysterious question left hanging last season: The baby swapped at birth was Juanita (not MJ, as I was so sure of). The hospital executive who lives on Wisteria is charged with telling them, but he only fills Carlos in. Carlos is devastated, and thinks Gaby will be even more, so he tells the hospital if they don't make this go away, he'll sue them for $10 million or $20 million. Because karma can't be on either Solis's side more than other, Gaby's also keeping a secret: Bree tells her Andrew's the one who ran over the original Juanita, Carlos' mother, and she can't bring herself to tell Carlos. The problem is, it's not even fun to hope for these big dramatic reveals, since they're both legitimately heartbreaking. At least we have the rest of the show reveling in the soapiness.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Andrew ran over Carlos's mom and they never told. When Bree finally told Orson, he realized he couldn't love her anymore and left her. So Bree decided to tell Gaby. A dying nurse told a priest that she switched some babies at birth, so the hospital's trying to figure out how to tell the Wisteria Lane parents that their child isn't theirs. Susan and Mike had to move out of their house to save money, and Paul Young became the renter (unknown to Susan or anyone else). Mary Alice's voiceover begins with even more previouslies as she explains Paul's history: They were happily married once, until Mary Alice got that letter she killed herself over. Paul found out Martha Huber wrote the letter, so he killed her. Her sister, Felicia Tilman, figured him out and almost an entire season later, framed him for her own murder (by cutting off her own fingers with a knife; there's no end to the crazy on this show), so he went off to the slammer.
Now out of previously mode, MAVO fills us in: Felicia was pulled over for speeding years later, with no ID, and that's how people found out she was alive. So, she goes to jail and Paul Young is freed. He makes small talk with his lawyer about how he wants to return home to Wisteria, even though no one came to his trial or believed he was innocent. He's out for revenge, folks. And when Mrs. McCluskey sees him on Susan's porch, she drops her groceries as he grins at her, menacingly. MAVO sets up the episode's theme -- bad news -- with all the ways it can be delivered: phone, mail, email, text. But some is so bad it has to be delivered in person. For example: The guy at the hospital who lives on Wisteria has to deliver the news to the family whose baby was switched at birth in person.
And, on the lane, Mrs. McCluskey's spreading the news far and wide (and to people we don't care about) that Paul's back. As she's doing this, Gaby and Bree are having their heart to heart at Gaby's. Bree delivers the bad news: She knows who ran Carlos's mother over with a car. She says it was Andrew, and Gaby just about throws up all over Bree. But not because she's pissed that he did it; she's just pissed that Bree would tell her, because now she'll have to tell Carlos, who will go to prison for killing Andrew. Bree explains that Orson told her she was horrible for not telling, and Gaby's all, "That's why you told me? Oh please, we're all horrible people!" For instance, Gaby steals Bree's magazines. Uh, yeah, Gaby? Not the same. Bree says that Orson's leaving her, but Gaby doesn't give a crap right now. She's too busy crying that Carlos is probably going to find a way to blame her. They hug and comfort each other until Mrs. McCluskey bangs on the door: "You'll never guess who's back!"
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