Previously: just a quick rundown of the many happenings from last week (Lynette left Tom, CreePaul got busted with some fingers in his trunk, Money got knocked up, Danielle and Matthew ran away, Bree checked herself into a nut house, and Susan declared her independence).
No complicated analogies about beehives or tea parties for MAVO this week; no, this time the theme is Paris simple: sometimes neighbors move in, and sometimes neighbors move out. That is so true. "Although," MAVO points out, "very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning." It's nighttime at the Applewrong manse, and Betty is busy with some wee-hour packing, and not, as MAVO oozes, for the first time! Flashback to the Chicago of One Year Ago. Betty is tickling her magical ivories for Caleb while, in the foyer behind them, a shrill Melanie Foster is screeching at Matthew that she isn't the sort of girl who gets dumped; she does the dumping! Matthew, exasperated: "However you want to spin it's fine: I just want out." She "sexily" reminds him of the advantages of dating someone such as herself, and to underscore the point, she unbuckles his pants. With his mother and brother in the next room, ew? Matthew: "Melanie? My mother is in the other room. Are you crazy?" That's just what I said! (Get out of my head, hot Matthew (and into my car).) Melanie, still with the seductress voice, suggests that perhaps Matthew would be more comfortable continuing this "discussion" down at the lumberyard tonight at 9. And I thought Danielle was slutty and horrible! Cut to Caleb, who's sitting just around the corner with ears fully pricked, his little damaged mind clearly working overtime to process the many implications of this convo. Matthew, firmly: "Melanie, it's over." Well then, all the more reason for Matthew to come a-lumber jacking tonight; Melanie, suggestively: "No one can say goodbye better than I do." And the way she utters "say goodbye," eyes batting, it's clear she really means "administer oral sex." Somehow I never really thought of a lumberyard as the ideal spot for an assignation, but I guess there is all that comfy sawdust lying around, and...wood.
Later, down at the humperyard, Melanie hears footsteps. She giggles and goes to unbutton her blouse, but her face falls when she sees that it isn't Matthew. It isn't even the Great Pumpkin. It's just Matthew's lumpy brother, Caleb. Caleb rather tactlessly suggests that since Matthew doesn't want her anymore, he can be Melanie's new boyfriend. Melanie laughs outright at the offer, describing the very idea of such a scenario as "too pathetic." Oh, Melanie, if only you could hear the ominous, brain-bashing music swelling, I think you'd be a tad more delicate with your words. Caleb lunges at her, kisser poised, and she baps him away. He tries to kiss her again -- this time with more force (scary) -- and she struggles free, grabs a board from the ground, and starts swinging it at him. She's so itty and he's so huge, her blows barely faze him, and he easily grabs the board away from her. And then he, you know, brains her with it, hard. (Scary, scary!) With the emotional mercurialness of mentally unhinged, he immediately downshifts from board-swinging lunatic to concerned citizen, leaning down to see if she's okay. When he discovers that she's unconscious and bleeding, he backs away in a panic, frantically wiping her blood onto the front of his shirt.