Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B | 921 USERS: B-
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Down at the police station, two plainclothes cops enter the holding cell where Betty's sitting and tell her that Caleb has confessed to Melanie's murder. Betty points out that Caleb has "the mind of a child...he'd confess to sinking the Titanic." They hand her the letter she sent back when the news reported that a man had been arrested in the Foster case; they think she wrote it. But Betty isn't admitting to anything. Next, they hand her a crime-scene photo of Melanie's body, and tell her that they've recovered some DNA from the jacket the murderer used to cover the body. They ask her if she, by any chance, recognizes the jacket, and her head starts to bob convulsively. Yes, she's seen the jacket, but it's not Caleb's, it's Matthew's!

Cut to Matthew, in some motel room, standing and staring down at Danielle, who's fast asleep on the bed.

Cut (back) to the night of Melanie Foster's murder. Melanie is lying unconscious on the ground when Matthew arrives. I guess he was hoping for a sweet "goodbye" session down at the lumberyard after all! Melanie coughs, and a rivulet of blood runs down her cheek. She isn't in the best shape, but she is alive. ALIVE! Melanie tells Matthew all about what Caleb did, and Matthew gently tells her that Caleb has "never been violent," and clearly didn't mean to hurt her. Matthew offers to take her home, and they slowly start to walk like they're going to leave, but then Melanie makes a fatal mistake: "This has been pretty traumatic for me. I think you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out." Matthew reminds Melanie that they broke up. Well, maybe Melanie doesn't want to go home; maybe she wants to go to the police instead, maybe tell them what Caleb did to her? Oh, Melanie. She and Matthew scuffle, she threatens to send Caleb to "jail for the next ten years," and then she slaps him. Wow, Melanie has some balls. Some stupid, stupid balls. Melanie turns to leave, and Matthew pauses as his rage swells. Then he picks up a board and beats Melanie's brains in, screaming "YOU LEAVE! MY FAMILY! ALONE!" Whoops. And while it's true that he was provoked (Melanie = awful), I can't help thinking that the Applewrong boys were very poorly wired, considering that they were both so capable of being provoked to the point of beating a small girl with a big stick. Is it something Daddy did? Betty? Or are they both just lemons? In any case, Melanie is dead. Matthew kind of comes to his senses and gives a guilty survey of the dark lumberyard; then he takes off his jacket and drapes it over her. Huh? I guess covering the body is a common human instinct, and yet...has Matthew never seen C.S.I.? Really? Because leaving a coat behind at the scene of a crime, it's like he's begging to get arrested. I wonder how Chicago ever had any other suspects, what with Matthew's previous relationship with the victim, plus Matthew's coat found at the murder scene, plus Matthew and his entire family leaving town the night of the murder. Also, wasn't Melanie supposed to have been killed with an axe? La, la, la, la, la!

Desperate Housewives

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