Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

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Evany: B | 927 USERS: B-
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Flashback: Five Years Ago. Bree and Rex are down at the pharmacy. Danielle, it appears, has dyed her hair pink, and Bree is buying a box of honey-wheat blonde dye to remedy the situation (because as everybody knows, pink hair is a "gateway" to coke-whore-ery, donkey sex, and voting Democrat). Rex rather prophetically tries to get Bree to stop "riding [their kids] so hard." Bree, with fierce self-righteousness, delivers a whole prim speech about what's right and what's wrong, and how she's so sure that if she sticks it out, she'll be rewarded. She turns, and there's George, ringing up their order! She asks him if he agrees with her (about all that right and wrong stuff). George: "My mother always took a firm hand with me, and I thank her for it." Ha! Bree: "Exactly! And look how well you turned out!" Oh, ha. What a perfect little scene: We get to see how Bree's tight-assed-ness soured her relationship with both her kids and Rex, we get to see George forging his first little bond with Bree, and we also get a little insight into why George is so crazy (it's his mother), nice. Best of all, even though Bree is clearly so awful in this scene, I can't help feeling sorry for her: all that strain and all that prim propriety, and her kids still turned out horrible. Irony loves opportunity! The scene ends with Rex pulling Bree a little off to the side, and telling her, "Look, you're a good mother, but there's a limit. You have got to relinquish a little control, or you're going to regret it."

Cut to Bree, lying in bed in the mental ward, and struggling and struggling against her restraints. Nice segue! A janitor comes in to mop, and Bree tries to feed him some line about how she's only tethered due to a little prob she has with sleepwalking. She's supposed to be set free at 7 AM, and seeing as it's 8 already, maybe he would be so kind as to undo her restraints? For a second, her sweet talk seems to be working, but then he leans on his mop and, reasonably, says, "Lady, I can't let you out of your restraints. I'd get fired." Bree keeps pushing it, flirtily asking what his name is, blah blah blah, and maybe he could just "loosen" her cuffs, you know, just to make her "more comfortable." The janitor leans down, and for a second it looks like her dumb ploying is actually going to work. But then he says, "Do you think I'm stupid?...Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try and scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact I hope they keep you tied up for the next month, because I get a reeeeeal kick out of watching a prissy little whackjob lying in your [sic] own filth." Wow, that janitor sure is mean. And yet, it's nice to have the tired old "flirty mental patient" gambit smacked down so thoroughly.

Desperate Housewives

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