Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

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Evany: B | 921 USERS: B-
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So Matthew whips out a gun and points it right at Bree's head. Danielle: "Where did he get that?!" Good question! LJS that he ransacked Bree's bedside table when Danielle wasn't looking. Or maybe he got it when he was back at his house. Anyway, Matthew yells at Bree to "MOVE AWAY," but again Bree refuses. Calmly, Bree instructs Danielle to leave the house. Danielle goes to pull Matthew away, but he shoves her back with perhaps just a wee bit too much force. Danielle is totally scared now. Bree tells her daughter one more time to leave the house; then, slowly, Bree starts walking toward Matthew. He's starting to panic too, yelling, "What's wrong with you?" Bree: "If [getting shot is] what it takes for my daughter to see who you really are, then fine." Whoa. So Danielle's screaming and Matthew's all freaked out, and Bree is as cold as ice, totally willing to sacrifice her life. Bree (who it now occurs to me may very well be suicidal) whispers, "Do it," and slowly Matthew's finger inches back on the trigger and the chamber starts to inch its way around. Just then, they hear a teensy tinkle of broken glass, and they turn to see that one of the front windows now has a small bullet hole in it. Matthew stands there, looking slightly puzzled for a moment; then he collapses to the floor, dead. Bree pulls a stricken Danielle away from the window, and we see dark scary forms moving around right outside, their red laser sightings beaming all around the yard. Wow, Fairview's Special Weapons And Tactics team assembled with alarming speed. Though maybe (LJS!), due to all the crazy crime this neighborhood has been experiencing as of late, they set up a special command post just around the corner in preparation for just such an occasion?

Mike stops on his way to meet Susan to buy a bouquet of roses.

Cut to Susan, sipping wine and gazing at her naked ring finger.

Cut to Mike, gazing at the engagement ring. He steps out into the crosswalk, and that red car? It pulls out, speeds up, and drives right into our favorite plumber. Mike flies into the air, rolls over the top of the car, and then lands on the ground with a thud. What? Who? Huh? The car stops at the curb and the driver looks back to make sure Mike isn't moving. Why it's MacOrson, the scary, scary dentist. His movements are extra-robotic in this scene -- he looks like an alien who's still trying to learn how to operate the human body -- and the awkward way he holds his body makes him seem even scarier. Wow, I guess Mike should have kept his trap shut, though I guess that's not really possible with a dentist...? Aww, poor Susan. Also, in college, I once tried to start a band called "Angry Dentist," but I don't sing, and I don't exactly play any instruments, so it was slow going. But never say never!

Desperate Housewives

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