Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B- | Grade It Now!

In town, Karl is picking up a newspaper when he notices Mike going into a jewelry store. Meddler Karl? Follows Mike inside. Mike sees Karl, rolls his eyes, and sighs. Undaunted, Karl cheerfully asks Mike what he's shopping for, and Mike lies that he's busy picking something up for his grandmother. But then the jeweler returns with an engagement ring, which he hard-sells as the perfect ring to "sweep her right off her feet." Karl, his head bobbing and jerking like a delighted little bird's: "Lucky grandma!" He laughs hugely and calls Mike an "old dog." Mike tries to deny that the ring is for Susan, but Karl tells him that, as far as he's concerned, Susan is "old news." After a razzle-dazzle "Mazel tov!," Karl turns to leave, and Mike calls after him, asking him to mum the word; he wants it to be a surprise for Susan. Karl: "Oh, trust me, brother, she'll be surprised, and not just by how small that rock is." Karl is so endearingly outside of time, with his "old dog"s and his "brother"s. It's sad that things couldn't work out with Edie, who's so endearingly...bitchy? slutty? vengeful? Anyway, they would have made quite a team.

Zana goes to visit Noah and, despite the cold-shoulder treatment he gave CreePaul earlier, he asks for money. He tells Noah (who by the way is not looking good; I know I've said it before, but this time he really, really looks like he's circling the drain) that he needs the money to pay for an "expensive car." A good lawyer can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, so I'm not sure the price of a car is going to cut it, but okay. Noah, who's the master of subterfuge himself, immediately recognizes that Zana is trying to play him. Noah knows all about CreePaul's plight (it's in all the papers), and he rightly guesses that the money Zana wants is for some "fancy lawyer" to get CreePaul some "rich man's justice," whatever that is. Unfortunately, Noah hasn't quite gotten over the fact that CreePaul chopped up his daughter Deirdre and put her in a box, so he's not really in a lending mood: "I don't write checks to monsters." Zana starts to blubber and brat ("You said all of this was going to be mine, so when do I get it?!"), which totally disgusts the mighty Noah. In fact, Noah threatens, maybe Zana is too weak to take over Noah's empire after all. Noah tells Zana to leave, and Zana turns to go. But instead of leaving, he closes and locks the doors. And the "A Killer Is Born" music swells! Zana walks back to Noah's breathing machine and puts his hand on the "off" button. Noah starts to shit-talk, asking Zana if he thinks he's "a tuff guy" for finally bumping off the old grand-zombie-death-log-thing. Zana's resolve wavers, and Noah watches as his grandson's hand pulls away from the breathing machine. So, in a deliberate act of suicidal manipulation, Noah chides Zana for not having the kind of "balls" it takes to rule an empire and kill a grandfather. And Zana, proving how weak he really is, totally gives in to the peer pressure and turns off Noah's machine. Noah smiles a proud smile and then dies gasping. Welcome to the dark side, Darth Zana!

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Desperate Housewives




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