Desperate Housewives
Remember

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Remember

Okay, this marks the episode's halfway point. I know: a whole extra hour to go? What? Huh? To misquote The Royal Tenenbaums, who misquoted King Vidor: Finale...it isn't a word, it's a sentence.

Gabby confronts Money about the whole "kill" versus "dead" mix-up. Money, confused: "Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis?" Okay, so now that I know how calculating Money can be (what with last week's temptation island of tiny nightie + huge roast beef sandwich), her ignorant innocent act with Gabby is beginning to chafe just a bit. Gabby: "I guess my question is, do I have a reason to be angry at Mr. Solis?" Money stands there staring at Gabby like a confused blow-up doll, and then makes an excuse about how much laundry there is to do. Speaking of which: Gabby picks up a pair of Money's underwear, which are torn all asunder. Gabby, her brow furrowed into a garden of question marks, asks Money what happened with the panties. Money, looking unbelievably guilty, peeps, "I fall down." Fall down and go boom? Why is Money even washing those wrecked panties? Why didn't they go straight into the trash? Nobody knows.

Cut to the hospital. Gabby is talking to a doctor, who's curious as to why Money is back so soon, seeing as she got a clean bill of health last week. Gabby improvs that Money's been experiencing some "pain down there," and Gabby just wants to get everything checked out. Oh and by the way? Would the doctor mind letting Gabby know if Money's hymen is still intact? Thanks!

Inside the exam room, the doctor is way down deep between Money's heavenly gates. Gabby shoots him a nervous, questioning "thumbs up" sign. And the doctor? Unbelievably/unethically enough? Actually answers Gabby with a "thumbs down." Fairview, it seems, is just one huge lawsuit waiting to happen.

Lynette is packing up the family to leave the hotel, but one of the P-twins wants to go swimming. When Lynette protests, he pulls out the old "but Dad would totally let me" card. When Lynette continues to ixnay the swim, P-twin runs out and leaps off the balcony. From the angle of the pool that we see off in the distance, I'd say they're only on the first floor. And yet? Wow, boys -- especially boys of the loins of Lynette -- sure are death-wish crazy.

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Desperate Housewives

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