Cut to the hospital. An exceedingly worried-looking Tom sweats into the waiting room, and all the Ps go crazy yelling "DADDY!" He sweeps them up into his arms one by one and gives them huge, huge hugs, awww -- marital problems sure do suck on their own, but they're a million times sadder when kids are involved. You know what else I know? War is hell. Also: chocolate is good. And babies are soft. After the hug-fest subsides, Tom turns his attention to Lynette, who looks like she's just been defeated by life. Lynette robotically informs Tom that the P-twin is fine; he just has a broken arm. Tom tells the remaining boy Ps to watch over Penny (great idea!), and he and Lynette retreat to a sub-waiting room to discuss their marriage. Tom whisper-tells Lynette (there are other people in the waiting room) that he didn't cheat on her: "I never have, and I never will." And yet Lynette knows what she saw! But get this: that woman? The one Lynette saw in the fancy house in Atlantic City? Her name is Nora, and Tom had a one-night fling with her way back before he ever met Lynette. Apparently, Nora got pregnant, and for some reason, she waited twelve years to tell Tom that he's the father. But that's it. Tom is not having an affair. Repeat: he is not having an affair. Lynette is so relieved and happy that she screams a scary primal scream and shoves Tom into a row of seats and he cracks his head on the linoleum.
After Lynette has calmed down just a tad, and Tom has an ice pack for his head, Tom, in soothing, "don't scare the animal" tones, explains that the only reason he didn't tell Lynette before now was that he was waiting for the results of the paternity test. But it's true, he has another daughter (name: Kayla). Lynette, in tears (weak-eyed Evany? Also in tears): "You have no idea how much you scared me. I had already let you go." Tom is totally upset and sorry, and Lynette is so obviously shaken, it's a very nice scene -- Doug and Felicity are awesome, et cetera -- and yet still I wonder: if Tom only recently discovered this long-lost daughter, what, then is the secret he alluded to back in Season 1?
Flashback: Five Years Ago. Bree and Rex are down at the pharmacy. Danielle, it appears, has dyed her hair pink, and Bree is buying a box of honey-wheat blonde dye to remedy the situation (because as everybody knows, pink hair is a "gateway" to coke-whore-ery, donkey sex, and voting Democrat). Rex rather prophetically tries to get Bree to stop "riding [their kids] so hard." Bree, with fierce self-righteousness, delivers a whole prim speech about what's right and what's wrong, and how she's so sure that if she sticks it out, she'll be rewarded. She turns, and there's George, ringing up their order! She asks him if he agrees with her (about all that right and wrong stuff). George: "My mother always took a firm hand with me, and I thank her for it." Ha! Bree: "Exactly! And look how well you turned out!" Oh, ha. What a perfect little scene: We get to see how Bree's tight-assed-ness soured her relationship with both her kids and Rex, we get to see George forging his first little bond with Bree, and we also get a little insight into why George is so crazy (it's his mother), nice. Best of all, even though Bree is clearly so awful in this scene, I can't help feeling sorry for her: all that strain and all that prim propriety, and her kids still turned out horrible. Irony loves opportunity! The scene ends with Rex pulling Bree a little off to the side, and telling her, "Look, you're a good mother, but there's a limit. You have got to relinquish a little control, or you're going to regret it."