Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B- | Grade It Now!

Back at Applewrong HQ (Chicago), Caleb pants and panics his way into the house. Betty takes in the bloody handprints all over the front of his shirt, and her face melts into a complicated look of fear combined with a resigned/unsurprised sort of "oh boy, here we go."

Back in the now, at Applewrong HQ (Fairview), Betty gives her piano (which is covered in a mover's blanket) a little goodbye pat, and then she and Caleb head for the door. MAVO tells us how Betty assumed that, once again, she would "slip away in the middle of the night," just like they did last year in Chicago. Caleb worriedly asks how Matthew's going to find them if they move, and Betty tells him that it's probably going to be just the two of them from here on out. And then...sirens! Two of Fairview's finest (police vehicles) screech to a halt in front of them, and slowly Caleb and Betty reach for the sky. MAVO: "But as [Betty] soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs." Suddenly, the sidewalks are lined with hordes of fully dressed neighbors, including Gabby, Carlos, Mrs. McCluskey, and Tom. Do the denizens of Wisteria Lane now sleep fully clothed? Or perhaps they were all at a neighborhood meeting, and it ran super-late -- after all, they do have a lot to talk about, what with the severed fingers the cops found in CreePaul's garage. And yet: who actually called the cops? And why? I'd say it was Bree, only she's locked up in the mental ward. Okay, let's just say Bree warned the ladies before she left, and one of them made the call. Or Gabby somehow spotted her escaped ice-cream robber, and called the cops. A scene explaining how this all went down would have been helpful. But oh well. (As a regular Desperate viewer, I've grown expert at overlooking such oversights.) MAVO, continued: "Because in suburbia, once the neighbors hear you're going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye." And from the grumpy looks on all the neighbors' faces, I'm guessing that in this context, "goodbye" does not equal oral sex in the lumberyard. OR DOES IT?

Well hey, it's the full credit sequence! Oh, how I've missed you. You know, you look good, really good. Have you been working out? Pilates? And a colon cleanse? I thought so.

MAVO, continuing with the hard-hitting "neighbors: they move" theme, narrates over a montage of moving vans pulling in to Wisteria Lane. A fully alive Mary Alice peeks out through her drapes, and we see Susan -- with long hair and bangs -- sitting on a big moving truck's open tailgate. She's smiling hugely and sharing a snack with a stroller-bound blonde two-year-old (Julie). It is, as the text on the screen so helpfully informs us, "14 Years Ago." Specifically, it's the day MA met Susan. Dead MAVO: "She seemed so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but [sic] feel intimidated." Susan brushes off her hands and heads into the bowels of the truck. Somehow, she manages to trip on the lip of the truck bed. She catches her arm on the strap attached to the rolling door on the truck, and it slams shut behind her, thereby totally locking her inside! Susan belts out a comic Joey-style "whoooa!" and MAVO archly tells us how her feelings of being intimidated by Susan's fantastic confidence "quickly passed." Susan bangs on the inside of the door and pleads with baby Julie to unsnap herself from her stroller and go get a neighbor, "but don't cross the street!!!" Susan's still screeching out instructions when the door rolls open. Susan, to herself, as the door rolls up: "My god, I have a genius baby." Ha! Then she sees that it's Mary Alice, not Julie, who's saved her. Susan laughs, MA laughs, and Susan points at Julie and corrects herself: "I have a normal baby." The ladies introduce themselves, and Susan tells MA how relieved she is that her husband didn't have to come to her rescue, seeing as he already thinks she's a "total klutz." MA invites Susan over for coffee, and Susan is absurdly grateful. Then she catches herself mid-swoon and apologizes to MA for probably seeming like a "lunatic." MA nicely assures Susan that she seems normal; then she confides that baby Julie does indeed look like a "genius." Susan smiles hugely and picks up baby Julie, squealing about how happy they're all going to be here on Wisteria Lane. The camera freezes on the sweet image of the tidy yellow Mayer home...

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Desperate Housewives




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