Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Evany: B- | Grade It Now!

Mike stops on his way to meet Susan to buy a bouquet of roses.

Cut to Susan, sipping wine and gazing at her naked ring finger.

Cut to Mike, gazing at the engagement ring. He steps out into the crosswalk, and that red car? It pulls out, speeds up, and drives right into our favorite plumber. Mike flies into the air, rolls over the top of the car, and then lands on the ground with a thud. What? Who? Huh? The car stops at the curb and the driver looks back to make sure Mike isn't moving. Why it's MacOrson, the scary, scary dentist. His movements are extra-robotic in this scene -- he looks like an alien who's still trying to learn how to operate the human body -- and the awkward way he holds his body makes him seem even scarier. Wow, I guess Mike should have kept his trap shut, though I guess that's not really possible with a dentist...? Aww, poor Susan. Also, in college, I once tried to start a band called "Angry Dentist," but I don't sing, and I don't exactly play any instruments, so it was slow going. But never say never!

Later, up at the scene of Susan's big proposal, all the candles have burned down low and Susan has wrapped herself up in a blanket. She's leaving a message on Mike's answering machine: "Hey, it's me. Again. When you got the invitation, I thought that you gave me the thumbs up, but I guess if that was...some other type of finger gesture [ha!]. Well, I apologize for leaving you all these messages and...wasting your time." The RV battery (generator?) finally dies, and all of Susan's twinkly lights fade to black. Sad!

Back at Wisteria Lane, the whole neighborhood has gathered to watch Matthew's body get carted away. Betty looks particularly devastated and confused and regretful. (We'll miss you, Alfre!) comes the MAVO wrap-up! And thank you, baby jesus...this marathon of typing has somehow pinched a nerve in my right elbow, and the only way to relieve it is to shake my fist in the air and yell, "Damn you, ABC," which I'm now doing every twenty seconds or so. Plus my eyes are red and crossed, my ears ache and my nose has a huge red dent from my heavy "Adrienne Balboa" glasses (I sat on my good pair last week), and I'm pretty sure I haven't brushed my teeth at all today. I am sexy!

So, MAVO: "This is the street where I used to live, and these were the people with whom I shared my life." We see flashback Susan unloading the last box from her moving van. There is a terrible, terrible arty frog thing poking out the top of the box (and that's the second frog statuette of this episode, what a weird leitmotif). MAVO: "I met them the day they moved in, and I saw what they brought with them." We see Bree moving in, then Lynette. MAVO: "Beautiful dreams for the future." Gabby and Carlos, on moving day, kiss out in front of their new house. MAVO, continued: "And quiet hopes for a better life." Susan hands Karl her frog box, and they exchange warm, love-strong smiles. MAVO: "Not just for themselves." Lynette watches Tom unload a crib-thing into the house, and she smiles and touches her flat belly which as we know hides twin fetuses. MAVO, continued: "But for their children, too." Rex comes up behind Bree (still on moving day) and they hug each other and look moonily into each other's faces. Dude! Sweet! MAVO: "If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store?" Carlos sweeps Gabby up into his arms (they're still out on their new front lawn) and kisses her hugely as the moving guys all look on and smile. MAVO: "No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled."

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Desperate Housewives




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