Desperate Housewives

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Evany: B- | Grade It Now!

...and then we segue pointedly to the charred remains of the very same house. Welcome back to the now, everybody! Susan walks a blindfolded (teenaged) Julie up Wisteria Lane. Julie says she hopes that Susan isn't going to walk her "into a wall," and I think she's joking, although based on Susan's lifelong inability to remain vertical, it's actually a valid concern. Susan reassures Julie that the blindfold is just there to enhance the impact of the surprise. Then she whips off Julie's blinder to, "tada," reveal their new used trailer home! Susan, who is out of her mind with excitement over the RV, starts gushing about how much fun life in the trailer home is going to be: it'll let them live on-site while their house gets rebuilt, plus Bree's coming back from her "spa vacation" soon, so they'll really be needing the space. Julie (re: her new life living in a trailer): "Why are you doing this to me? I get good grades, I don't do drugs, I've never come home pregnant..." Susan pleads with Julie that she really needs her support: the RV is all part of Susan's new, independent lifestyle. In fact, Susan's going to finance the whole rebuild based on the proceeds from the "six book proposals" she has "in the works." I can only imagine the titles: It Isn't Cheating If You're Secretly Remarried, Feel the Burn: An Illustrated Guide to Rebuilding Your Home After Your Not-So-Ex-Husband's Ex-Girlfriend Torches Your House, A Good Man Is Hard to Find (But Really Easy to Lose, It Turns Out), Where Did That Come From? What To Do When Your Daughter Is Way, Way Smarter Than You Are, Liar, Liar: A True Story about The Messes I've Made, What I Wouldn't Do (and Two or Three Things I Would) for Just One Single M&M? Burnt Toast: And Other Philosophies of Life? So I guess all of last week's scrambling to get hold of the insurance money wasn't really necessary after all, phew. Susan, pathetically, to Julie: "I want you to be proud of me." Julie, looking sad (because what teen doesn't love the idea of living in a tiny, tiny space with her accident-prone mother), finally agrees at least to look around inside the trailer. Susan is so happy: "But you should know, your bed doubles as the dining-room table, and the toilet's in the shower." Julie sighs and slumps. ["Why? So efficient!" -- Wing Chun]

Gabby, dressed for golf (and with her hair semi-insanely pulled up in high, high pigtails and a pink visor), comes downstairs carrying a striped men's golf shirt that perfectly matches the one she's wearing. Get it? They're his and hers outfits for their golf lesson tomorrow! Carlos, staring forlornly out the window: "Yeah, about that -- I can't go. I gotta pick up trash on the freeway." It's part of his "community service" re: being an ex-con. Gabby is disappointed. She guesses she'll, sigh, just cancel their appointment. Suddenly, Carlos is all worked up: she has to take the lesson! It's already paid for! "I'd love to be there with you," he vents, "if I didn't have to scrape slushes and condoms off Route 57. Look, what's the big deal? Just go take the stupid lesson!" Gabby gets huffy, and Carlos apologizes, explaining that he's "a little on edge today." But then Carlos is violently distracted by the view outside the window: gardener Ralph is out there getting an eyeful of maid Money's money-maker. Gabby is confused. So Ralph has a "little crush" on Money; what's the biggie? Carlos is enraged. Is it not possible for him to, for once, get a gardener who isn't hoping to sleep with someone in the Solis household? Gabby: "You pay him six bucks an hour. It's all about the perks, honey." That's right. Remember how Ralph got to see Gabby's naked boobies, and the other gardener lost his finger? Those are some good perks.

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Desperate Housewives




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