Desperate Housewives
Remember

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Remember

Flashback: Twelve Years Ago. Bree -- wearing pearls, a lime Izod, and a pink cashmere cardigan, her hair soft and loose with a slender, pretty headband -- takes a deep breath and marches up to MA's front door. Dead MAVO: "There are certain people who, when you meet them, can't help but [sic] make a delightful first impression." Bree hands MA a lawn frog and demands to know whether it belongs to Mary Alice. MAVO: "Bree was not one of [those people]." Bree confesses with persnickety exactitude that her little Andrew stole the frog from the Youngs' yard. MA very nicely waves off the offense, offering to let Andrew keep the thing if he's so attached to it. Bree is incensed: "Don't tell him that! If he doesn't feel guilty, he'll never learn shame." And suddenly Andrew's utter awfulness makes just a little more sense. Susan walks up from inside the house. She's carrying a glass of wine, and her hair? In the two years that have passed since that first flashback, it's been transformed into this hellish, pubic mass that's not at all unlike Richard Simmons's frizzy 'do. I understand that they're trying to give each of these flashbacks a sense of "eras past," but I don't think that look was ever in style. Also, Mary Alice looks totally fine, so why make Susan suffer? But, okay, for the sake of getting this scene over with, let's just say that spazzy Susan had a mishap down at the salon and move on. In fact, I hereby institute a "Let's Just Say" feature (hereafter "LJS") -- just a few suggested supposings to help sugar-coat unbelievable events to help things go down a little easier. MA introduces Susan to Bree, and explains that Bree's son "accidentally" took her garden frog. Bree, bitchily: "Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. REEEEX!" Yikes. Rex and little Andrew frog-march up to the door. Rex greets Susan and MA, and then very likably explains, "We're not weird, we just seem like we are." Everyone (including me) but Bree laughs. Intent on keeping things right on topic, Bree pushes Andrew toward MA and introduces him as "The Criminal." MA smiles at him sympathetically, and Andrew delivers an obviously rehearsed apology that ends with "just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent." As he says this, Bree mouths the words right along with him. Wow, the kid they got to play little Andrew is awesome. He really looks and talks just like Shawn Pyfrom. Also of interest: Brenda Strong is about eighty million feet tall.

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Desperate Housewives

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