Desperate Housewives

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Evany: B- | Grade It Now!

Gabby's in the middle of her golf lesson (she's wearing a pink striped polo, a pink elastic ponytail holder, and matching pink lipstick, plus she's carrying a white wicker purse with pink leather straps), and you can tell she's a little "teed off" with her instructor. They're at the bar in the club. Gabby gives him a stiff courtesy smile while he unloads some tired witticism about the key of the game being to "drive for show, putt for dough." He heads outside, and they agree to meet up later for the rest of her lesson. Gabby, to the bartender: "Make me something strong, I have nine more holes with that guy." Just then, a news report comes on the television above the bar: a member of the Route 57 road crew ("a Hispanic male in his early forties who for years was a prominent businessman in the area") has been killed in a traffic accident. As a look of dawning horror creeps across Gabby's face, her cell phone rings ominously.

Later, Gabby sits in front of her house, crying. Money comes trotting out, hastily and suspiciously fixing her hair as she runs. Gabby tearfully tells her that "Carlos is dead." Money, pleading: "No, please don't kill him!" Huh? Gabby, misinterpreting Money's confusion as a language-barrier problem, carefully explains that there's been an accident and Carlos has been killed. Money, confused: "No...he in kitchen." Gabby takes off running into the house. Indeed, Carlos is alive and reading the paper. He is also very, very sweaty. Gabby coos at him and hugs him tight; then she croaks out a long explanation about how the police called and told her someone matching Carlos's description got killed by a bus when the man went to rescue a lawn chair (?) someone had dropped on the freeway. Finally, she realizes that he's not even supposed to be home, and he explains that he paid Ralph the gardener to go in his place. It dawns on Gabby that this means Ralph is dead. Gabby and Carlos are momentarily sad over the loss of poor Ralph, until Gabby notices Carlos's sweatiness. Carlos fibs that he was "working out on the treadmill." Gabby: "Barefoot?" Strike One! Carlos feigns exasperation and tsks her that Ralph is dead and yet she's worried about his feet or whatever? God! He turns to leave, and he runs into Money, who's walking in with the laundry. They exchange highly uncomfortable "sorry"s and avert their eyes. Gabby looks after them, the wheels of suspicion clearly start to grind into action. Strike Two!

Down at the funny farm, Bree (looking tired, as we've come to expect, yet still fetching in a nice periwinkle scoop-necked, long-sleeved chunk cotton tee) is in with brain-man Doctor Barr (played by Richard Thornburg, a.k.a. the annoying reporter in the Die Hard movies whom John MacClane's wife keeps having to clock in the face). Bree is quietly digging straight, straight lines into the desktop sand garden. Apparently this -- the raking -- has been her sole contribution to their last three sessions together. The doctor, trying to be friendly, notes that the only thing he really knows about her so far is that she rakes in "remarkably straight lines." Bree rather defensively asks if that's what he's been trying to do with all his pesky personal questions -- figure out what makes her tick? Which makes me wonder, if this process is such a puzzle to Bree, what oh what was she talking to Dr. Goldfine about all that time? Speaking of which, why didn't Bree take her looming breakdown to Dr. Goldfine? You know, the man who knows her brain best? That seems like a much wiser course of action than committing herself to an unknown mental facility. But there's no accounting for crazy people. LJS that Dr. Goldfine's no longer available, because his near-death experience (when George dropped him off an OVERPASS) nudged him into early retirement.

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Desperate Housewives




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