Camp Van De Kamp. KimberBree is mending an old coffee mug. Enter Rex: what are you doing? Fixing a mug. Why don't you get a new one? She believes in fixing what you already have. Why, it's all very meta, except by meta, I mean obvious, and not in a really good way, like how last week Patch Abbott compared Amy Abbott's Flower of Virginity to an E-Z Bake Oven cake. That was brilliant. This is just sort of vaguely amusing and obvious. Anyway, Rex hems and haws and finally begins, "About what happened today...." KimberBree says that Rex humiliated her, "for no good reason." He apologizes. She tells him that she was there, and she was willing, and "normal men don't say no to that." Hell, abnormal men don't say no to Marcia Cross in her skivvies and a mink coat. I don't say no to Marcia Cross in her skivvies and a mink coat. And I AM a fan of the scrotum. (Sorry, Mom.)
Rex says that she upset him. KimberBree doesn't buy that. She's been thinking about their sex life, she says, and he's right: there has been a disconnect: "But it's coming from you." He calls this crazy. "How many years have we been making love and you start to ask me something and then stop?" she asks. Rex claims that he doesn't know what she means. "You are unhappy with our sex life because you're not getting something from me, but you're simply too afraid to ask," KimberBree tells him. Rex reiterates that his problem is that she is obsessed with housework. "Well, if that's the case, then take me," KimberBree demands, getting up. "Right here. Right now. The house is spotless. There are no burritos lying around to pull my focus." But Rex isn't in the mood. "Why not? We haven't had sex for months, Rex. Most normal, red-blooded men would be climbing the walls by now," she says. Dude, I'm climbing the walls just watching them. He asks her not to do this, and she begins to literally back him into a corner of the kitchen, purring, "Rex, whatever you want. I'll go there with you. I'll go there with you; you just have to say it out loud. Tell me. What do you want? What do you need?" Rex looks nervous and tells her stop talking like this: "You sound like a whore." To her immense credit, KimberBree takes this in stride and keeps backing him into the corner: "No, I don't. I sound like a woman whose husband won't touch her." There is much staring here. And then Rex turns and leans on the counter. KimberBree tells him that after Mary Alice killed herself, it hit her: "We all have our secrets and I think it's time for you to tell me yours." He takes a breath...opens his mouth...and chickens out and leaves. Oh, KimberBree. You could do better than this. Call Dr. Michael Mancini. Now, that was a man who couldn't resist a redhead in lingerie. And sure, he also was the sort of bribe you into signing your life away after seducing you and then laughing in your face about the entire thing, but that's kind of the crux of his charm.