Desperate Housewives
Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | 523 USERS: C+
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Running To Stand Still

Across the street, Mama Solis sits on the porch and knits. She watches as Gabrielle pulls up to the house and walks past Miguel without either one of them exchanging a word. They both look very guilty. "And suddenly, Juanita remembered it wasn't the men Gabrielle talked to that she had to worry about," MAVO says. Yes, she told us that already, but thanks.

School of the Boring. Lynette delivers the costumes. Maisy tells her that she -- whoops! -- accidentally left Lynette's name off the program. In response, Lynette gives this very long speech that is, really, quite well delivered and written and whatnot, if only I gave a damn about this very boring plotline. There's a lot of "there are years ahead of us having to deal with each other," and "let's take it outside," and "we're throwing down," and "isn't it better to settle this once and for all rather than endure all this Alpha Mom crap?" and so forth. All the rest of the mothers look on at the confrontation in gleeful horror. "Come on, I'll even let you take the first shot," Lynette offers. Maisy, clearly, is tempted. Eventually, however, she says that she doesn't have time for this, and storms off. "I didn't think so," Lynette calls after her. "And just so you know, next year, when we do Bambi, his mother's gonna take a slug to the heart and you're gonna like it!" she yells as Maisy leaves. Right, right. Yes, yes, it's all very fantastic. Oh, Felicity Huffman, let me worship at the altar of your fantastic acting skills, blah blah blah. Wake me up when Lynette and Maisy have a huge catfight in Maisy's little studio apartment, complete with vases cracking over heads, pillows bursting, and portraits of Blake Carrington getting ripped in half. Because, that? I've got time for that.

MAVO: "Remember that episode of Seinfeld when I got married in India to Elaine's old boyfriend Peter, whom I called Pinter, and the entire episode went backwards? God, that was fun. That Jason Alexander is a scream." As she yammers, we pan over to the blanket in which Paul wrapped Susan's newly purchased glass bowl. It's embroidered with "Dana." Heavens, if Paul did in fact kill her, then he is the worst murderer in the whole wide world. Oh, right, I almost forgot: DUM DUM DUM DUM!

Next week: SHAFT!

Desperate Housewives

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