Desperate Housewives
Running To Stand Still

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B- | Grade It Now!
Running To Stand Still

Back to the poker table, where Mama Solis has cleaned out the other ladies. Bartender, cookies for everyone!

Maisy and the Play of the Boring. It appears that their costumer dropped out. Spying an opening, Lynette volunteers to do the costumes. She adds that, now that she's doing some heavy lifting, she wants to have a vote about the ending of the play. The rest of the ladies are amazed that she's standing up to Maisy Gibbons, and the vote goes Lynette's way: the wolf is going to get it. The woman next to Lynette -- whom I know best as Elaine's cousin on Seinfeld, whom Jerry dated and who kept trying to feed him mutton -- looks both thrilled and alarmed by this development. If it sounds like I'm skimming over this plot line, guess what? I am. It's boring. If I wanted to watch PTA drama, I would join the PTA. This interests me only if the entire PTA somehow winds up at a Royal Wedding in Moldavia during a political coup and Maisy ends up buying the farm while Lynette wears a feathered turban.

While Lynette is off being boring across town, Susan is wearing a really cute crusher and driving her neighbor's hatchback down the street after Paul. She can't really drive stick. Which I guess means that I totally owe you all a beer, yes? Put it on my tab with the cookies. She follows Paul all the way to the Correctional Facility for the Deranged as Twin Peaks music tinkles in the background. Please, if this were Twin Peaks, someone would already be dancing backwards with a one-armed man.

KimberBree dines alone at a restaurant. You know. Where people tend to dine. People like, say, Dr Goldfine, who is reading a romance novel. Tee hee. There's some back and forth: join me/professional blah/sad KimberBree/KimberBree's sweater is adorable (that comment was only from me, not Dr. Goldfine)/blah, and eventually he agrees to treat their meal like a session. Dude, he is so in love with her. Hell, I am a little in love with her.

Over at Casa Unfaithful, Carlos overhears Gabrielle tell Lynette on the phone that Mama Solis would be happy to take a check for her poker winnings. He then tells Gabrielle that his mother has, like, a mega-bad gambling problem. Gabrielle makes her I'm Hatching a Plan face over Carlos's shoulder as she comforts him. I am beginning to think that she is not a very nice lady.

At the restaurant, KimberBree writes Dr G a check for their "session" and tells him that there was no truth to that whole "not connected during sex" thing. Dr Goldfine tells her that lots of sexually repressed people distance themselves "during the act." She informs him that, contrary to what he may believe, she loves sex: "I love everything about it. The sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then! When you add friction! Mmmmm. The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a man's nipple ever so gently....And then there's the act itself. Two bodies, becoming one, and that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously, it has its practical applications, but I'm just not a fan." Dr Goldfine just stares at her. The waiter comes up and asks if he can get them anything. "Just the check please," Dr Goldfine says. "Sir, you haven't ordered yet," the waiter says. "Oh," says the flustered and, dare I say, aroused Dr Goldfine.

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Desperate Housewives




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