Meanwhile, sweet Gabrielle has taken her mother-in-law to lunch...at a casino. They have a great buffet, she chirps. "All-you-can-eat crab legs," she adds. And then groans that she didn't realize how late it was. She doesn't have time to both eat here and still pick up her "suede mini" before 2 PM They'll have to have lunch at the mall. Mama Solis suggests that Gabrielle go on ahead without her. Because she reaaaalllly wants some crab legs. Gabrielle points out that it might take her over an hour. "It's a buffet, there's no rush," Mama Solis chatters, and races into the building. Gabrielle smiles to herself and drives off to meet her underage lover...in the middle of the day...before 2...when he is allegedly still in school. Sigh.
Maisy. Lynette. Round two: Lynette is behind on her sewing. Maisy explains that "Jordana Guy" can take care of all her many, many responsibilities, so Lynette ought to be able to take care of hers as well. And maybe she wouldn't be in such a costume crisis if she didn't have two little oak trees to costume. Snore. Wake me up if someone steals someone's baby and then throws it from the top of a building, thereby revealing that it was not a baby at all and instead a doll and the real baby is somewhere I don't remember because all I remember from that particular episode of Dynasty is all the baby throwing, and also Crazy Claudia Blaisdale's braided headband. Lynette promises to finish the costumes and also makes a face.
Susan's. Julie tells her mother that she has lost her mind. Julie, sweet one, that would imply that your adorable but dumb mother had one to lose to begin with. Susan, it appears, is trying to talk Julie into "blending in" with the kids at The Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Also Are Crazy, so that she can find out what's up with Zack. Julie wonders how she's supposed to do that. "I don't know, Julie. Pretend to be bulimic. Gag a little," Susan suggests. Heh. Julie looks skeptical. "Mom, when this is over we need to talk about your parenting skills," she says. Susan says that she's not going to force Julie to help, in much the same tone my mother used to use to tell me she'd never force me to do my math homework, and that if I wanted to go work at the 7-11 and contract a social disease like my cousin Hannah, that was just fine with her. Julie just wants to know why Susan cares. Susan spouts some boring blah about Mary Alice and how she was her friend and she wants to do right by her, and I don't care because Mary Alice is the most sanctimonious narrator I've ever met and she bothers me so much that I'm sorry she's not narrating from the bowels of hell. Plus, wouldn't that be funnier? "Susan was very irritated at -- oh, hey, there's Hitler! Wow, he's shorter than I imagined." Anyway, Susan thinks that something is awry, and that she owes it to Mary Alice to find out the truth.