Bree: "Once an addict, always an addict, basically."
Beth: "Cool. Have fun donating your kidney. I'm going to eat poison."
Bree: "If we were friends, or I were capable of noticing other people, your depressed affect and general desire to get cut up on for the sake of somebody who hates you might give me pause. But I don't think you understand: I have a date with Jesus now. He is going to be my boyfriend. My kidney boyfriend. And even though usually I am the cause of my problems -- usually by acting exactly like I'm acting right now, in fact -- nothing bad will ever happen to me again! Thanks, Kidney Jesus!"
Beth: "Well. That sounds nice for you."
Bree: "And that's what matters. Thanks for understanding!"
Renee: (Brings Lynette an apology gift, despite having done nothing wrong.)
Lynette: (Shits all over it; reiterates that Renee is incapable of fostering life or anything other than whoredom and disaster.)
Renee: "My understanding is that people have children to fill a void in their own lives."
Lynette: "Nope, just selfish assholes like me."
Renee: "Wow, so kind of exactly like the Bree thing this week. How can one show get so many things wrong, all at the same time?"
Lynette: "Yeah, kids are just another way of making yourself feel better."
Renee: "I don't think that sounds right."
Lynette: "That's okay, you'll find some other way to be happy. I mean, you'll never be as happy as I am, because your life as a woman is meaningless without children and fucking Tom Scavo, but you can try."
Renee: "Why are we friends?"
Lynette: (Condescendingly invites her to dinner; holds Renee's hand throughout like she has a deformed kidney, only instead of her kidney, it is her sick sad everything. She is Woman In Full Bloom.)
(Mike yells at Susan for having her stupid deformed kidney, but somehow keeps from smacking her; Susan makes Mike feel guilty about his own undeformed kidneys and then promises to carpe her diems or whatever, it's super-stupid.)
Susan, verbatim: "Hey. Lean on me. I'm a lot stronger than you think."
(One thousand years of vomit.)