Desperate Housewives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
Help Me Help You Help Me

Previously, Susan wasn't feeling well. But with her Gollum arms and needy eyeballs, she did still cling to life. Eyes bugging out in a similar fashion, Beth realized she was a sister-wife on the lam with no mail-order husband and no chance but to return to the Juniper Creek she'd abandoned, only to find it burnt to the ground. Gabi had yet another life-changing experience that failed to change her life in any way, and Lynette saw every thought and experience of those around her as Teachable chances to enact just a little bit of her seething rage on a world that never gave quite as strongly as it took. They were all desperately terrible, just despicable people. Just like you and me.

...Or so the smug asshole ghost we call Mary Alice would have you believe. In the first of her usual hellish indictments on us as a society, MAVO would like to call your attention, Andy Rooney-style, to just what the fuck is going on with parents these days.

"Each parent has their own style: There's the Disciplinarian, the Smotherer, and the Negotiator. But the one thing they all have in common is: They love to judge the parents next door."

Just despicable people, all around us. Nasty neighbors and fucked-up friends. Oh my God, Mary Alice, shit is not that bad. But try explaining goodness to somebody like this show and you'll get a blank look, because we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are, and what we learn from that little bit of Nin is that this show is created entirely from the worst and most hateful thoughts of the worst and most hateful people currently working in entertainment.

On a completely unrelated note: Still in the top three of Republicans' favorite shows.

So Gabrielle walks her fat daughters through town -- in their matching tie-dyed peace-sign T-shirts, note -- just clucking her tongue and shaking her head and being generally insufferable toward all these different parenting types Mary Alice has identified. But, see, once she gets to Chez Gay Fags, she's just got to say something. She has got to take all that judginess and voice it at the nearest person, like the small-town Catholic nuns she left behind.

(Standard homophobic throat-clearing about whatever gay stuff that makes no sense in 2011.)

Gabi: "Stop making your daughter practice the violin!"
Gay: "Get out of my yard!"
Gabi: "Gay men cannot raise children without my help!"
Gay: "Your children are a federal disaster area!"

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Desperate Housewives




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