Renee: "I went to the adoption agency next to my manicurist."
Lynette: "I was kind of hoping you'd drop this."
Renee: "Nope. I want a Boy, in Brown."
Lynette: "Nobody could be as good a mother as I am; therefore, nobody should try."
Renee: "The Gays get to! And they're every bit as cartoonishly self-centered as I am."
Lynette: "I sense a Teachable Moment, by which I mean humiliation for you. Instead of explaining anything, I'm going to sabotage your life until you cry out in pain, thus vindicating me."
Renee: "Sounds like a plan."
Lynette: "It is the only plan I ever have."
Renee: "And yet I don't see it coming, this one time."
(Renee agrees to babysit the baby. Lynette imagines burning her house down with Renee and Paige inside it. She'll finally be proven so fucking right about things that they'll probably make a statue of her, being right.)
Susan and Mike have decided to celebrate their anniversary early, in case her skellington body is an actual skellington come July. To be fair, it's a pretty sweet idea: A picnic, out in the forest where Julie made that gorgeous wedding for them, i.e., the last time anybody cared about Susan and Mike. Of course, Susan leaves the picnic basket on the roof of the car, because she is worthless, and within seconds there's caviar and pâte smeared all over the road, just like Carlos's mom.
Carlos: "Why are you pushing Juanita to tap dance?"
Gabi: "I want her to have a myocardial infarction."
Carlos: "Is this about competing with the Gays?"
Gabi: "Don't be silly. This is absolutely unlike every other storyline where needlessly I meddle in their affairs and end up learning something from them, like fabulous Magical Negroes."
(Mike and Susan... It's too stupid to even deal with.)
Gay: "[Gay stuff.]"
Bree: "Thanks everybody for coming to this brunch! Now the bad news is that I am locking you in my house until you submit to organ-donation testing. The good news is that this proves I am a good person, and not a sociopath with no regard for others."
Gay: "[Gay things.]"
Wisteria Lane: "We hate you four bitches. We always have. You make our hatred of all women make sense. You are a microcosm of reasons for lazy people to hate women, as if we weren't already going to. This show is bad for America."
Gay: "[Gay comments.]"