Down at Scavo and Scavo, Tom sneaks up behind Lynette and startles her with a neck kiss. "Oh!" Lynette peeps, "none of that in here!" Tom explains that he's hoping that, by reminding big boss Ed that he's "shacking up with the VP," Ed will stop putting the kibosh on all of Tom's pitches. Lynette scolds Tom, saying she can't "protect him," and that he has to find his own way to bond with the boss.

Cut to Tom, pitching a super-weird idea for a bacon commercial: "And then the pig, he rubs his stomach, and then he says, '[oink oink] Farm Fresh bacon: it'll make a piggy out of you, too!'" Tom rounds out the pig pitch, the end of which he delivers in a heinous country drawl, by hitching up his pants, poking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth, and flipping Ed the thumbs-up. Lynette gives Tom's desperate performance a feeble little laugh, but Ed looks fantastically underwhelmed: "Soooo...the pig actually eats the bacon?" Tom nods vigorously. Ed: "I don't see the client doing the whole happy dance over the whole 'cannibalism' thing." Which reminds me of the awesome, awesome taco place in my neighborhood, which has three little pigs painted on the outside wall -- nice and low, perfect for any little kid toddling by on the sidewalk -- and the pigs are merrily roasting and eating a pig head and pig body parts. It's just...wow. Lynette tries to help Tom out by prompting him to pitch the "other idea" he had -- the one where "people love bacon so much, they want to keep it a secret." Ed immediately warms to the idea: "Like a secret, underground society of bacon-eaters?" Tom jumps in and explains how the bacon-eating society will be much like Tom's college fraternity, which only "took the coolest guys." Ed's face lights up. You mean Tom was Greek too? Oh god. Tom and Ed do some reminiscing and blustering about the awesome and amazing frat days, snore. Tom: "If I had a nickel for every Phi Kap I tied naked to a freeway sign..." Ed: "Scavo, if you were my pledge, I'd have made you my bitch!" FYI, Ed and Tom are now deeply in gay love. Ed says how much he likes the "fraternity angle" for the bacon campaign, and invites Tom to lunch. Well, that was easy!