Desperate Housewives
Silly People

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Silly People

Cut to Ed's office. Lynette marches in and tells him that she's been thinking maybe it's time to ixnay the games, and "set a slightly more professional tone in the office." Ed, punch-pleased: "Ohhh. I get it. Somebody went running to Mommy, didn't he? Tom loses a few bets, so he tries to get his wife to make me back off?" Ed tsks that this is so like someone from Tom's lame frat, and then gloats that he's going to "make him pay." Lynette looks concerned, and then puts her foot down. The games are going to stop! Ed, serious now: "This is my company. If people want to work here, they play by my rules." Ed -- who is a fantastically horrible boss and also person -- walks out into the reception area. Lynette runs out after him and, in front of a whole bunch of people, says, "Ed? I call you out. This is your company, so I'll play by your rules. What do I have to do to get you to stop this frat-boy crap? Shave my eyebrows? Come to work naked? Name your stakes!" Ed scoffs that he doesn't "have time for this." Lynette: "Aw, what's wrong, Ed? Afraid a Phi Kap's going to get beaten by a girl? Come on, big man. Just a little bet!"

Cut to Ed setting up a table in the middle of the reception area. Everyone in the office is gathered around. Ed announces that while he thinks all the office funning is "good for morale, Lynette here thinks the shenanigans have gotten a little out of hand." Everyone groans, and Lynette looks around with alarm. Ed: "So we've decided to settle the matter with a little test of intestinal fortitude." Lynette sits down, and Ed puts a plate piled high with raw bacon down in front of her. The bet is, if she can eat this entire pound of RAW bacon, then there will be a "moratorium on all wagering in the office." And...put on your seatbelts, everybody! Because this scene gets pretty rough from here on out. One by one, Lynette rolls up the pieces of raw bacon and chews them up. It goes on forever and ever, and it is truly painful to watch. It feels gratuitously gross, and also...what? This is the one and only way manipulative Lynette could come up with to foil Ed? Surely she could find some way other than exposing herself to dangerous raw-meat diseases? Like...what if Tom turned the tables on Ed and challenged him to something embarrassing and/or dangerous? Maybe that would take the wind out of Ed's sails! Or maybe Lynette and Tom could just quit and form their own agency? But no. Lynette has to sit there and eat slice after slice of fatty, fatty uncooked bacon. As Lynette descends deeper and deeper into the plate of pork, one by one, the officemates start to get disgusted and shaking their heads in judgment. With the mob losing its steam, Ed starts to become sullen. Finally, Lynette polishes off the last slice of bacon. And Ed leans in to make sure her mouth is truly empty. Lynette: "So. Can this be a place of business, Ed? No more games." Ed, all quiet: "Sure. You sucked all the fun out of it anyway." Everyone returns to work, and Tom sits next to her and tells her, "That, was really, something." Lynette: "Thanks. Could you scrounge me up a bucket?" Gross. Gross!

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Desperate Housewives

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