Desperate Housewives
Silly People

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Silly People

Danielle is sitting at the breakfast table at home. She's got one leg tucked up on the chair and she's brushing her hair. She also looks kind of drunk, or maybe just really dumb? Bree walks in, carrying two plates of fruit. "Don't brush your hair at the table!" she snaps at Danielle. Danielle sarcastically asks if this means Bree is speaking to her now. Bree, all crabby: "Why should I? You betrayed this family and you're not even sorry." Danielle rolls her eyes, resumes brushing her hair, and tells Bree to "quit being such a drama queen." Bree leaps over and snatches the brush out of Danielle's hands. Clearly frustrated, Bree slowly reminds Danielle (and, I'm guessing, the entire viewing audience who've probably forgotten what the hell's going on over the long break between shows) that Andrew could go to prison because of what Danielle told Matthew. Which leads to the obvious question: where oh where is Andrew in this scene/episode? The case for "Danielle and Andrew as one person" mounts! Danielle tells Bree not to worry -- that the Applewrongs won't go to the cops as long as Bree stays quiet -- and then Bree asks Danielle just what it is that Caleb did, anyway. Danielle suggests that Bree simply ask Betty. In that repulsively congested little voice of hers, she adds, "I bet if you're really nice, she'll tell you the truth!" Bree gives Danielle a long, disgusted "From whose loins did you burst, exactly?" look, and then she launches into a story about how Bree's stepmom once told her that she was "very lucky" because she "possessed beauty, wit, cunning, and insight," and that "these were weapons all women needed to survive in the world." Danielle: "So?" Bree: "So take good care of your looks, Danielle. You don't have any other weapons at your disposal." Wow, Bree really gets mean when her kids turn on her.

Over at Edie's, Susan knocks on the door and Karl answers the door. Susan, who looks kind of sweaty, is in a big panic about her spleen operation: apparently back when her agent Lonny screwed up her accounts, he also let her medical coverage lapse. Why did Susan's book agent have control over her health care? Nobody knows. Susan: "And now [Lonny's] in jail, and I'm going to die!" Ah, so that's what happened to best-friend Lonny. Jail! Karl tries to calm Susan down by telling her that he'll talk to the insurance people. Susan: "There isn't time for you to deal with the red tape! My spleen is going to go careening into my heart!" Somehow I don't remember things being this urgent before. But okay. Karl regretfully informs Susan that while he'd love to give her a loan, he and Edie just put all their money into a "ski condo." Susan doesn't want a loan; she wants coverage! Susan sits down on the couch and squinches her eyes up and starts making squeaking sounds. Edie, who's been quietly listening this whole time, asks her what she's doing. Seriously, has Susan's spleen gone and careened somewhere untoward already? No, she's just "praying." Edie sighs and says, "For puke's sake," which is funny. Susan starts flailing her hands around, yelling about how "desperate" she is. But clever Edie has an idea! Susan just needs to marry someone with ample medical coverage: "If we find a guy with the right plan, you could have a sham wedding on a Monday night and be fully covered Tuesday morning!" Karl isn't into the plan at all, but Susan eats it up. And really, are we that surprised? This is exactly the kind of hare-brained scheme Susan lives for. Edie: "All we have to do is find a guy to marry you!" The three of them sit there, quietly, for a minute, and then they start to look uncomfortable. Edie: "Come to think of it? A little prayer might not be such a bad idea after all." Ha! Oh Edie, how I've missed you.

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Desperate Housewives

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