Desperate Housewives
Silly People

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Silly People

Down at Lambda Lambda Lambda, Ed, Tom, and Lynette sit in an office with a bunch of other office people. Lynette's trying to conference someone in on the phone, and Tom is tossing Reese's Pieces up into the air and then catching them in his mouth. Ed is watching Tom with a big grin on his face, like he could just kiss him, right smack on Tom's peanut butter-flavored lips. Ed: "Two hundred bucks says you can't do that three times in a row." Way to run a business, Ed. The catch? Ed gets to throw the treats. As the officemates look on with big, encouraging smiles on their faces, Lynette stares in horror. Tom catches Ed's first throw, no problem, and the second one, too. But the third throw, Ed pelts straight at Tom's forehead. As Tom rubs his head in pain, Ed laughs hysterically. Tom, laughing good-spirtedly: "That wasn't even catchable!" Ed: "Yeah, maybe not. But it was totally worth the two hundred bucks." Ed walks over and hands Tom the money, and then he rubs Tom's forehead affectionately and calls him his "little monkey-man." OMG, they are totally doing it!

Gabby arrives at home to find little Xiao Mei darning Gabby's clothes. Gabby starts freaking out about how her clothes are couture, which means they can be touched by no other than a professional tailor! But then Gabby gets a look at Xiao Mei's work: "Holy crap! This stitching is perfect!" Xiao Mei smiles and leads Gabby into the kitchen, which is covered with plates of cakes and tarts and muffins. I'm having trouble with the idea that the Solises had the fixings for all this baking just sitting around on hand, but I don't know; maybe Carlos took Xiao Mei out shopping or something. See? I'm flexible. I can "roll with it"! Xiao Mei feeds Gabby a treat, and Gabby is astounded by its terrificness. Gabby takes a look at the astounding spread, and then she starts to get that thoughtful look. You know, the "now to sway Carlos using nothing but my sexing" gleam.

Cut to Gabby sitting on the edge of her bed with a plate of Xiao Mei's food in her hand. Carlos crawls across the bed and starts kissing her neck. But Gabby is distracted. Is Carlos not aware of the plight of Chinese people? Carlos unzips Gabby's skirt and kisses her stomach. As Carlos continues to disrobe her, Gabby keeps on with her campaign to have Xiao Mei stay right where she is, based on, you know, "freedom and democracy and stuff." Carlos finally snaps out of his lust haze long enough to ask if this has anything to do with all the housework Xiao Mei's been doing for Gabby. Gabby: "I can't have this conversation until you've tasted her crab puffs." Which, contrary to the way it might sound (to someone with a filthy mind such as my own), turns out to be a reference not to Xiao Mei's breasts but rather her cooking abilities. Between kisses, Gabby tells Carlos how they can pay Xiao Mei whatever they want to: with the girl's history as a slave, any money is going to look good! Through a kiss, Carlos mutters, "No way, baby. Nuh uh." Gabby immediately stops kissing him and then she gets up and stalks out of the bedroom. Carlos: "What, so you don't get what you want, you just walk off and pout?" Gabby, standing there in nothing but her pink-and-black bra-and-panty set: "This isn't about me. This is about our great nation. And I have no intention of sexually satisfying a man who isn't willing to stand up for, and help spread, the ideals and values of the United States of America." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you use sex to get your own personal sweatshop.

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Desperate Housewives

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