Well, this is going to be a short one, considering that exactly zero happens in this episode. Watching it was like listening to the deathly high-pitched beep of a heart monitor with no beat to track -- only for a solid hour. You think I lie?
Katherine and Bree cross rolling pins over...? Who has the better lemon meringue pie recipe. And things get even crazier when Katherine swaps her own pie for Bree's at a cheer-up lunch the Ladies throw for be-chemo-ed Lynette. When everyone compliments the not-Bree's-pie as "the best pie [Bree's] ever made," Bree spirals into a panic that her identity as the neighborhood's party planner and pie-wielder is in danger of being usurped by the might of Katherine's pie. I think Bree lost her rep as the M. Stewart of Fairview seasons ago -- passing out drunk on the front lawn and accidentally stabbing her pregnant belly with a fork can do that. Nonetheless, she tries to wheedle the recipe out of Katherine, and by way of a bribe, Bree hand-delivers her own recipe for mincemeat pie (key ingredient: crow) to Katherine's doorstep. But Katherine meanly IDs Bree's recipe as straight out of a Betty Crocker cookbook, and Bree leaves in a huff with a lame barb about how Katherine is sour like the lemons of her pie, or something.
Susan's still pregnant, but no one seems to know about it, which seems highly unlikely. Either that, or no one really cares. (Aye!) The only real nod to the pregnancy is that they have her gobbling a gigantic mound of pancakes floating in an ocean of syrup. "I'm eating for two," she explains. Mike: "What, and both of you want to be fat?" Yeah, if she got any fatter, we might actually be able to see her when she turns sideways. Another proof of pregnancy: her knockers are gigantic, like Tomb Raider huge (Mike: "Especially the right one."). The way we know so: she straps herself into a corset for "sexy date night" with Mike, which we know is sexy date night because Mike is eating strawberries in bed, and strawberries in bed are television code for "marrieds keeping the spark ignited via sexy date night."
And then stuff happens, and a bunch of high-school boys mistake wacky emaciated melon-ious Susan for a pregnant MILF stripper. Specifically [and feel free to skip ahead here, because really, this is just one more wacky "Susan gets trapped in her own web of lies" storyline]: in the beginning of the episode, Mike daddily advises Julie not go to a twelve-kegger, based on his first-hand memories of what goes on at those affairs. (Speaking of which, where is real-dad Karl in all this? Lord, this show just doesn't give a dental damn, does it?) Susan pretends to buy into Mike's advice, but then she, of course, goes behind his back and tells Julie to go to the party anyway. Mid-sexy date night, Mike mentions that he sure is glad Julie didn't go to the party, because he just drove by the address, and there were lots of drunk topless girls running around -- total topless mayhem. Ah, Fairview. Susan stops suckling Mike's torso and, under the always good excuse of "going to buy whipped cream," races off to rescue Julie, of course not bothering to cover her heaving bosom before doing so. The birthday boy who answers the door at the party thinks his pals have all chipped in for a stripper. While flattered, Susan opts not to dance for the lads, and instead, she and her impossibly round breasts trip around the party until they finally stumble upon Julie. Susan grabs the archetypal plastic red keg cup out of Julie's hand and takes a swig to test its contents -- isn't she supposed to be pregnant? Susan is an awesome mom. Luckily, it's only soda, but even still, the party's over for Julie. They all head home to find Mike waiting for them -- apparently a friend of Julie's called to see if she got home okay after being snatched by this skanky whore stripper, a.k.a. Susan. So the beans are out of the bag, and yet again, Susan agrees not to lie anymore. (Liar!) She and Mike retire upstairs for some sex.