Beth and Felicia have a truly nasty conversation about sex, but Beth finally realizes that Paul Young is awesome and her mother is nutso ("She cut off her own fingers to frame me for murder! Who does that?" Crazy moms do that) so she decides to throw in her lot with Paul instead of her crazy mother, which causes her crazy mother to go crazy. Sad, but on the other hand you're having tons of sex with the fabulous Paul Young, so Happy Thanksgiving!
Lynette and Susan have this war about Paige being on a schedule, and how Susan wants to breastfeed the baby and stuff it inside her clothes and pretend that it is her baby and make it as horrible as she is, while Lynette's point is: It's her fucking baby.
Susan will not cede this point, and calls Lynette a lazy mother who enjoys the sound of her baby crying. Instead of slapping the shit out of her, Lynette realizes that Susan is broken from having driven her own husband out of town with her terrible choices and personality, and from being the mother of MJ, which would kill anybody, so Lynette decides it's more Pilgrimmy to just go ahead and let Susan ruin Paige. Happy Thanksgiving!
Gabby gets Grace's parents deported after serving them racist dinner. Happy Thanksgiving!
At dinner with McCluskey and her random husband, Bree drives Keith's unstable parents to divorce. Happy Thanksgiving! This discourages him from asking her old ass to marry him, despite their agreement that their relationship is going nowhere. Happy Thanksgiving! The upshot is that his radically hotter dad now has the sneak for Bree, so this just got awesome. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tom and Renee start out real creepy, but end up having a sort of lovefest about how great Lynette is. Well, mostly about how great Tom is (which...), but also how his greatness reflects on Lynette. Through his tiny, beady, old-man eyes, Tom sees trouble forming, but whatever. They already slept together, and Renee will get bored soon or else, because Lynette is the only person who might actually kill you. Happy Thanksgiving! Plus he's three beers away, anyhow. Happy Thanksgiving!
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Felicia Tillman summons her daughter Beth so they can have a truly stomach-wrenching frank talk about sex. Specifically the sex that Beth is having with Paul Young, that may cause her to fall in love with him and earn her Momma's wrath, but might also be a weapon to find out more about that time Paul killed Martha Huber. At this point I'm unsure what facts they're missing -- both Felicia and Beth seem pretty clear on how it went down -- but whatever, it's wicked creepy. Multiple euphemisms.
Felicia talks herself into whoring out her daughter to the murderer some more, but notices that Beth is starting to realize that Paul Young is just kind of great and there's no real reason for them to be doing any of this. Mary Alice is like, "And that's why Felicia would eventually have to kill Beth, too, and then find another relative to avenge that death, and so on until eventually everyone in Fairview would either be in prison or in the ground, and she will still be missing fingers, because she is one crazy bitch."
Or really, she's babbling about Thanksgiving and how women spend them slaving over a hot stove with their shoes off because they don't need shoes, only to provide for their families. Unless they are Gabby, in which case they just bring home the entire international aisle from the grocery store and tell her husband that because he is the Mexican of their family, he gets to cook Mexican Thanksgiving for those super-Mexican parents Grace has the misfortune of having. For now.
Mexican Thanksgiving is just like Real Thanksgiving. Except instead of beans we eat frijoles and instead of turkey it's tamales and instead of rolls it's bollitos (which are rolls) and instead of stuffing it's chorizo stuffing and instead of cornbread it's jalapeño cornbread. Mexican-Americans: They're just like us, but with a little racist touch.
Well, except that they don't celebrate Thanksgiving, because as it turns out, the day Europeans landed in the Americas was not really that great a day for their ancestors. Or pretty much anybody besides white Europeans such as... Gabrielle. Or, well, for Hector and Carmen, because they're just ticking off the time until they can get deported and go back to Mexico and leave their anchor-baby in Fairview. Luckily, Hector and Carmen don't have long to wait, because Gabrielle can fuck your entire life for you faster than a black cat breaking a mirror when she feels like it.